WHOSE YA PAPPY??

Oooohhhh…where shall I begin??.......good afternoon to you all and I hope you all had a great weekend…..as for me…..WHAT THE HECK IS A WEEKEND??.......work is on my mind like milk on cereal…..and this weekend, I got 2 scoops of it……all in all, a very fun and positive weekend…..now I am begging for the one thing I know I will not get….REST……and to all my fathers…..not to them suckas that claim to be a daddy, HAPPY BELATED FATHER’S DAY!!............

My dad called me yesterday to wish me Happy Father’s Day……I wasn’t going to call him……for my own reasons but I was hoping to hear from him……my dad and I have never had a close relationship….once, he was a prominent figure in my life but having a child wasn’t truly on his agenda…….it was crazy because his parents stayed right down the street from where my grandmother lived and I often saw him drive by in his Cadillac to their house…..from what I remember, he has been married three times…once to my mom…..once to this real nice lady…and once to this butthole of a woman…funny thing is……she used to go to our church……but she had a problem with my dad being in my life…….see she had two kids of her own and even though I am my dads only biological child, she only wanted him to focus on her family….so I, was the odd child out…..

I have pretty much known where my dad lived all my life….even used to go over there…..until one day, I could feel the tension in their house….so I had to step back…..when I was younger, I had an anger issue…..I remember getting in a car accident and calling to his house for help…we were right down the street from where he stayed…..his wife was there but he wasn’t…she refused to help me….when I went to college, he would promise me assistance……..I never heard from him…..I kept in contact with my grandparents and I even took my daughter over to their house…they called him to come see her….he was too busy……at home with the kids…….

When my grandfather passed in ’07, I became even angrier…..he didn’t even have the balls to show up at his funeral and pay his respects……this man took his place…helped raise me when he didn’t have to……my grandfather tried his best to teach me things about life in the midst of a huge generation gap…….somewhere in my soul, maybe I was hoping that this would be his wake up call since I no longer had a father in my life……this was not to be……at no point did I see him or receive a call consoling me and making sure I was alright……I guess since Willie Barker raised me for so long, he didn’t have to gauge my emotions……he didn’t care about them……..

Its funny though…..looking back, I loved my dad…..I don’t know why…maybe is was simply, he was my dad……he is an Omega and all my life, I thought that would be the path I would choose……not to talk down on any Greek organization, but by pledging Sigma, it symbolized me going my own route…..not to be like him “just because”…even though I am made from the same sloth and DNA, does not mean I have to carry on his legacy….for I have always felt that he gave me no legacy to carry…….I knew nothing about him except his name……and to me, it left a bad taste in my mouth………..

When my grandmother passed is when I started hating him…….my mother, for some unknown reason, kept in contact with my dad…….I didn’t…….and I think that bugged me a lot….I rarely talked to my parents, yet, they were good friends….was I not wanted??......when I got to Michigan for my granny’s funeral, I had heard that he cam to her house and got some food…….not to see me…….not to lift any spirits….but to eat…WTF?!!.........so I figured he would come back to see me…..after all, the parents that had raised me were both gone…….29 years old and no parent to call my own……..did he return….not at all…..but I did see him…….at the funeral…..now mind you, this is AT the funeral……..I am not in the mood for foolishness…..I am one of the few family members that is keeping together and just my nature is to make sure everything is going smoothly……here comes my dad…chest out…….smiling in church……WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING FOR??......calling my name……I had already informed my little brother if he showed up there was a possibility of some pew moving going on up in there…..and here he comes trying to speak…calling my name all over the church…….I tried to avoid him once…..I ignored him twice…then he comes up to me and interrupts me while I was conversing with a woman from my old church……needless to say, I gave him a piece of my mind……my little brother rushed to stop me before I cold cocked him……he stormed off…never to be heard from again………

About 2 months ago, I called my grandmother…….she is always so happy to hear from me…..in one of those surprised motherly voices, she asked me about my family and how I was doing…..then she asked if I had talked to my father…….she informed me that she had heard what had happened and asked if I wanted her to give my dad my number……I didn’t care either way, figuring that he wouldn’t call………..but he did…….the same day……and when he called, he didn’t sound like the man that was doing it for the heck of it……..he spent most of our conversation apologizing………

I told him…..I never wanted money….I never wanted to compete with his new family…I didn’t even want a lot of his time….I just wanted a father…..someone I could call and vent to……go fishing with and learn from…….go to the mall and look at women with together….hell I have NEVER heard about the birds and the bees…..EVER…….I wanted someone that appreciated me going to college, pledging and making myself into a man…….he promised me on that day that he would from now on check on me……he would call me at least once a week……and he would check on me……..in my mind, “yeah right”……he said that before…..the last time I heard from him…..the VERY last time……….

But he has been a man of his word…and even when he doesn’t call me, I call him……..because I see that he is trying…..and that is all I ever asked for…..our relationship is still rocky…..its still hard to say “I love you dad”…….and its weird laughing with him about things that I had no clue we were so similar about……..but I would rather have this opportunity than any other……

Men…honor thy kids as much as you want them to honor you…..any male can make a baby….a daddy can pay child support…but a father is a rare and priceless commodity……if your kids just want to talk to you about absolutely nothing, let them…….don’t allow a ex girlfriend, wife, or sexual partner, stop you from one of the greatest joys in a child’s life……yes, we know that the mother is the more prominent figure in a kid’s life….but that doesn’t mean you take advantage of it and risk that child’s balance…..anybody can raise a kid…….anybody can be a daddy….but real men are born to be fathers!!!!.............

Happy Fathers Day to all!!!!!!



Church!!!