1. I’m alive and breathing.
2. My daughter is alive and breathing.
3. I have a roof over my head.
4. I have clothes.
5. I know God.
6. I have a job.
7. I have a goal/destiny/plan.
8. I love my family.
9. I have my health and my strength.
10. I have the world’s greatest friends.
11. I’m not in jail.
12. I have food.
13. My daughter looks to me as a role model.
14. My daughter’s mom is great.
15. I have an album online for purchase.
16. I host some of the biggest clubs in the DFW Metroplex.
17. I have graduated from college.
18. I have been a school teacher.
19. God provides for me when I doubt myself.
20. I am able to write this blog.
Its amazing that I can write about 20 things that I thank God for but yet spend many a nights wondering why I feel like my life is spiraling out of control……..good afternoon ladies and gentlemen……I hope I come to you in great strength……..miss writing you all and I actually have been trying to get this post out……been actually….gasp!...working at work…yes, I know its getting cold in hell……..give a brother credit for trying once in a while……..lots has been going on……sometimes little has been going on…….in the meantime, I have still been Spaceship Ohayses, the Incredible……
I truly have been wanting to blog about this for a while now…….last week, I had a great epiphany about my life and even though towards this past weekend I got very week, I think I am putting things into a better perspective…….I had someone very close to me give me the notion that they wanted to kill themselves recently and everything and every reason I gave them for not giving up, I had to swallow as well…….over the past two years, I have been through more storms than I could ever remember and I don’t know why…..been told I’m not the same guy from high school, college, or even after my marriage……and I agreed with them……because I know I am not…..I have shown major flashes or mental defeat…it got so bad that even when things were looking up, I still made a mountain out of a mole hill……..and it wasn’t even on purpose…..I had conditioned myself to believing all was bad……so I had to write it down and make it plain……most of these things that I am thankful for are tangibles…..everyday items……these don’t even include the blessings that occur everyday…..doors opening…..great shows…..Jayla learning an new word or how to write or something like that……and now I truly am in the process of reprogramming my mind…yes, I have become damaged……..
I don’t think the same…..I am very pessimistic about a lot of things…..even though I claim to be a child of Christ…….is it fear?...and if so, of what?.......is it pain?.......there are many different reasons to why I have changed my disposition so drastically……and right now, I have to ask myself if I want to figure out why……or just try to flush them out of my memory and become brand new……its tough feeling like this……I have always been a blunt and somewhat mean person, but I don’t want to end up being the person that pushes everyone away……..I don’t want to be the guy that cant find love because he doesn’t love himself…….I refuse not to live my dream of having a loving family…….but it starts with me……and I recognize that……the reality of it all…..through words and breakthroughs…..is that everybody in your life is not good for you….no matter how much you may love them, hate them, care for them, or admire them…….I was told I have a short fuse…..I realize my tolerance for bullcrap is low……and in that lies a problem…..sometimes in my haste to judge a person, if I hear something that resembles a past hurt, I instantly tune it out…….I walk away……without giving it a chance…….and that can cost me…because no two people are alike……and no two scenarios have the same outcome…….so I must distance myself from the feelings that cause me to close up….I strive to be greater tomorrow……..
Okay….I think I am done venting……have I written yall since Jayla started school??.....its an amazing feeling…..now, I know I am her dad, but once I went to meet the teacher, I really had that parent feel in my soul…….and so far, she loves it….I am hearing her speech increase…..manners getting better…..and I always thought she would be a wiz…JUST LIKE HER DADDY!!......so I am too in the process of going back to school……..
And not for a degree…..well, at least for my certification….some of you may know that I used to teach high school English before I started this new venture….and I used my music as my reason for quitting….well, financially and emotionally, its not working…..so I’m going to go back and do it right…so I can get a good job in my field and work hard at being a great teacher….with the continued experience, I should have more avenues open for my youth center…….and that is a bigger priority of mine……
Make sure you follow me: www.twitter.com/spaceshipo you know I love to hear from the masses…..
Well I guess its check out time…..got a meeting to go to………
Love yall!!!
Church!!!
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