GREATER THAN LESS THAN MY ALL

Dear You:

Funny how times flies huh? I remember when we first met and you were the only person that talked to me in class. As I sat by myself at lunch, you came over and started a conversation with me. Going to school was more about seeing you than it was learning. People thought you were either a family member or we were in a relationship. Our friendship was based on neither. There were times when we got mad at each other, but nothing that had us at odds longer than a few minutes. We were fortunate enough to go to the same elementary, middle, and high school. We had even planned to go to college together. The older we got, the more I felt our destinies were tied to each other. There was never any pressure for us “to be together”; except of course by our other friends. I knew that you were apart of me and a person I could always count on.

When I got married, you were there for me. You helped me through all my times and never judged my significant other. I was able to confide in you and tell you how I was feeling without you giving me any grief. You became friends with them; helping them to pick out things for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. We double dated a few times and it was even more of a blessing that no jealousy was ever felt on anyone’s part. Once my marriage began to go downhill, you were the one that told me to stay and work it out. You were the one that told me that I may never find another person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with. And being a friend, I listened. Until I couldn’t take anymore. When I informed you of my decision to walk away, again, you didn’t judge me. You stayed by my side, never pressuring me to change my decision. You consoled me and stayed the loving loyal friend that I had known since elementary school.

And then we had sex. We promised each other never to change, and we lied. I can remember that day almost clearer than the day of my first child. Yes, it was a heat of the moment thing. And yes, it was very good, but my intent was never to hurt you or complicate our relationship. You are the one person I never had to worry about leaving my side or being in a complicated state with. I looked to you for my strength and my inspiration. And everything was the same. Because you knew I didn’t want a relationship with anyone else. I wanted to “do me”. Play the field and enjoy being single. My ex was my first and only up until the point when you and I became intimate. This was a new stage in my life and even after my divorce, you didn’t want me as more than what I had become: your best friend.

So tell me why now has all this changed? Yes, I have met a person of interest and yes, we are moving towards something magical. I would think you would be happy for me. Contrary to that belief, it seems like you are starting to spite me. Our conversations are shorter, you seem to have jealous intent when asking how we are doing, and you no longer come around like you used to. I am still here for you. I will never let you go from my side. I love you too much. The love I have for you is not the same love I hold in my heart for them. I don’t say this to be mean; just honest. It’s crazy how I never thought I would have to make a decision between you and someone else. I told you if they ever gave me that ultimatum, the decision would be easy. Now, you seem like the one giving the decision. My choice will not be as hard as you think. As much I do love you and want you in my life, I refuse to have my friendship threaten by your sensitivity to my happiness. I want you in my life. If you can’t be there, I know what I have to do although I may not want to do it.

I love you. Come back to me.


ME