Dear You:
Funny how times flies huh? I remember when we first met and you were the only person that talked to me in class. As I sat by myself at lunch, you came over and started a conversation with me. Going to school was more about seeing you than it was learning. People thought you were either a family member or we were in a relationship. Our friendship was based on neither. There were times when we got mad at each other, but nothing that had us at odds longer than a few minutes. We were fortunate enough to go to the same elementary, middle, and high school. We had even planned to go to college together. The older we got, the more I felt our destinies were tied to each other. There was never any pressure for us “to be together”; except of course by our other friends. I knew that you were apart of me and a person I could always count on.
When I got married, you were there for me. You helped me through all my times and never judged my significant other. I was able to confide in you and tell you how I was feeling without you giving me any grief. You became friends with them; helping them to pick out things for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. We double dated a few times and it was even more of a blessing that no jealousy was ever felt on anyone’s part. Once my marriage began to go downhill, you were the one that told me to stay and work it out. You were the one that told me that I may never find another person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with. And being a friend, I listened. Until I couldn’t take anymore. When I informed you of my decision to walk away, again, you didn’t judge me. You stayed by my side, never pressuring me to change my decision. You consoled me and stayed the loving loyal friend that I had known since elementary school.
And then we had sex. We promised each other never to change, and we lied. I can remember that day almost clearer than the day of my first child. Yes, it was a heat of the moment thing. And yes, it was very good, but my intent was never to hurt you or complicate our relationship. You are the one person I never had to worry about leaving my side or being in a complicated state with. I looked to you for my strength and my inspiration. And everything was the same. Because you knew I didn’t want a relationship with anyone else. I wanted to “do me”. Play the field and enjoy being single. My ex was my first and only up until the point when you and I became intimate. This was a new stage in my life and even after my divorce, you didn’t want me as more than what I had become: your best friend.
So tell me why now has all this changed? Yes, I have met a person of interest and yes, we are moving towards something magical. I would think you would be happy for me. Contrary to that belief, it seems like you are starting to spite me. Our conversations are shorter, you seem to have jealous intent when asking how we are doing, and you no longer come around like you used to. I am still here for you. I will never let you go from my side. I love you too much. The love I have for you is not the same love I hold in my heart for them. I don’t say this to be mean; just honest. It’s crazy how I never thought I would have to make a decision between you and someone else. I told you if they ever gave me that ultimatum, the decision would be easy. Now, you seem like the one giving the decision. My choice will not be as hard as you think. As much I do love you and want you in my life, I refuse to have my friendship threaten by your sensitivity to my happiness. I want you in my life. If you can’t be there, I know what I have to do although I may not want to do it.
I love you. Come back to me.
ME
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS!!!
I know you all have probably be waiting…and I don’t know why I haven’t blogged since the birthday bash....kinda busy, kinda been moving….so I wasn’t really in a place where I could blog….but I did think about you all!!...how are u doing today?.....I’m good…..still in my happy place….still getting blessed by the favors of God…still getting my grind on….I hope you all had a favorable weekend…..weather was beautiful down here in Dallas this weekend….great time to spend with loved ones…….
Well, about this bash….it was totally off the chain and such a blessing for me!!.......I don’t say this because it was my event, but if you missed it, you missed something special….sometimes its hard to gauge who really cares and really supports your movement….well on March 12th, I found out….from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone that was in attendance for this event….it was an honor to have u there and to perform in front of you all….to the baddest band in the land, One Night Stand…..you all are a God send and you have created a motivation in me that you may not even realize…thank you…..I am not going to individually thank everyone….this blog would be too long….but if you were there, I love you dearly…..and if you came to the Presidential Suite afterwards…well, lets just leave that in our memories!!!....
About to start working on a new mixtape…..yea, I said it…I know what you all are thinking, “Spaceship, u don’t make mixtapes!!”….I don’t but sometimes you have to do something different…..I don’t know what I am going to call it as of now…..haven’t even thought about it...trying to get my money up first because once I start it, I’m not going to want to take forever to finish it…..and maybe, just maybe by the end of the year, I may release another album…..its been a minute since I recorded some new music so I think this week will be a week where I focus on concepts and arranging a mixtape I feel is worthy to put out to the nation…nope, this will not be a locally, or regional mixtape…..this is about to go national babe!!......
I must get some things off my chest though…and yes this to anybody who take offense to it…first thing, I’m still dealing with my attitude…so don’t ask how was my birthday party if you didn’t come....I know a lot of people had things to do…some of you though, aren’t supporters of my movement and only wish failure upon me…..I wont be too mean to you….I just don’t feel like telling you how it was if you didn’t find time to celebrate with me…..second thing…….I cant continue to help push someone to a new place or support someone that doesn’t want it…..its draining…and this is something for all of us….how many times have we allowed people to hold us down trying to help them move to a different place…..unfortunately, some people are scared of success…..some people like staying in their rut…..greatness is not that hard to obtain; it’s the work and effort one puts in to accomplish their goals…over this past weekend, I realized that some people don’t want to change….and others don’t want anything but what they have……its not that I want to be mean…..even though in their opinion, you will be……I have mountains to climb…..I have to achieve all that God wants me to and babysitting is not on my list to do!!.......
Also, I think I am ready to get married……..
Well this is the end of today’s edition…I honestly had more to say, but my boss just made me upset and I forgot everything I was going to say…I could wait to send this out…..but I’m in one of those moods…..make sure you tune in tomorrow for allure radio with Ms Nique Nique and myself on www.allureradio.com and Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown each and every Sunday on www.spindatmusic.com and click on the hip hop/r&b station…..your support is truly welcomed….
Love yall!!!
Church!!
Well, about this bash….it was totally off the chain and such a blessing for me!!.......I don’t say this because it was my event, but if you missed it, you missed something special….sometimes its hard to gauge who really cares and really supports your movement….well on March 12th, I found out….from the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone that was in attendance for this event….it was an honor to have u there and to perform in front of you all….to the baddest band in the land, One Night Stand…..you all are a God send and you have created a motivation in me that you may not even realize…thank you…..I am not going to individually thank everyone….this blog would be too long….but if you were there, I love you dearly…..and if you came to the Presidential Suite afterwards…well, lets just leave that in our memories!!!....
About to start working on a new mixtape…..yea, I said it…I know what you all are thinking, “Spaceship, u don’t make mixtapes!!”….I don’t but sometimes you have to do something different…..I don’t know what I am going to call it as of now…..haven’t even thought about it...trying to get my money up first because once I start it, I’m not going to want to take forever to finish it…..and maybe, just maybe by the end of the year, I may release another album…..its been a minute since I recorded some new music so I think this week will be a week where I focus on concepts and arranging a mixtape I feel is worthy to put out to the nation…nope, this will not be a locally, or regional mixtape…..this is about to go national babe!!......
I must get some things off my chest though…and yes this to anybody who take offense to it…first thing, I’m still dealing with my attitude…so don’t ask how was my birthday party if you didn’t come....I know a lot of people had things to do…some of you though, aren’t supporters of my movement and only wish failure upon me…..I wont be too mean to you….I just don’t feel like telling you how it was if you didn’t find time to celebrate with me…..second thing…….I cant continue to help push someone to a new place or support someone that doesn’t want it…..its draining…and this is something for all of us….how many times have we allowed people to hold us down trying to help them move to a different place…..unfortunately, some people are scared of success…..some people like staying in their rut…..greatness is not that hard to obtain; it’s the work and effort one puts in to accomplish their goals…over this past weekend, I realized that some people don’t want to change….and others don’t want anything but what they have……its not that I want to be mean…..even though in their opinion, you will be……I have mountains to climb…..I have to achieve all that God wants me to and babysitting is not on my list to do!!.......
Also, I think I am ready to get married……..
Well this is the end of today’s edition…I honestly had more to say, but my boss just made me upset and I forgot everything I was going to say…I could wait to send this out…..but I’m in one of those moods…..make sure you tune in tomorrow for allure radio with Ms Nique Nique and myself on www.allureradio.com and Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown each and every Sunday on www.spindatmusic.com and click on the hip hop/r&b station…..your support is truly welcomed….
Love yall!!!
Church!!
Friday, March 4, 2011
THAT IS ONE FINE UGLY DUCKLING!!
Well…it is Friday great people!!...I didn’t think I was going to write today…I actually told someone I wasn’t going to…but the fact of the matter is, I am sleepy and my work has been completed for quite some time….its been rather hard to work today, promoting this bday party for next week….ARE YOU EXCITED?!!.......you should be....its going to be a spectacular event and I know that you all will thoroughly enjoy yourself….I have been on the hunt for midgets but have yet to come across any that may be available….bummer right?....but who knows what the next week will bring in the world of Spaceship Ohayses…..
You all should have seen the flyer by now….its on twitter, facebook, and I have sent it by email to some….if you have not, I will definitely be sending it out via email….even if I don’t want to…..yahoo is starting to suck but I know this is the passage that we all began this journey on, so I must continue it…..tonight, don’t forget I will be live on Fishbowl Radio with my homie Ms. Nique Nique as we bring you the best in online radio havoc….we are in the grey bowl from 9-11 central standard time…..and Sunday, I will be on www.spindatmusic.com from 6-10 central standard time for Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown…..and if you have not had a chance to listen to either show, you are missing a treat!!......
So….I feel a change of winds coming on…..I’m approaching the young age of 31 Tuesday and my life is finally reaching a level I have always prayed about…..my life was never easy….but a lot of times, I made it harder….I have never claimed to be a product of my environment or a lost cause….my motto was that I was born alone and I shall die alone….hurt and pain were the only things I could relate to when it came to people…yes, I love to entertain, but to get emotionally attached often left me with a sour taste and a numb feeling….through my marriage, the birth of my daughter, the death of my grandparents and various other milestones in my life, I decided to always keep my feelings close to my hip….for so long, I was the advice column; giving advice to those when in fact, I had no answers for myself…..I felt like Janet Jackson in Why Did I Get Married…….
The lack of smiling was not my true emotion, it was my wall…..I felt there was a certain weakness within me if I allowed happy emotions to show…the majority of folks that surrounded me either were negative, messy, or wanted me to stay in yesterday….instead of always defending myself, I chose to keep this wall up, hoping it would cause a fear to them to establish a relationship with me…the only time I could show elatement was when I was performing……after that, back I go into the cave that was my soul…..now don’t get me wrong, I tried to push through my own wall, only to find myself falling in deeper from the backlash which was my own self-pity….did I know I was internally throwing myself a pity party?....sometimes….did I care?....not one bit…for I felt the safest place for me to be would be within my thoughts, dreams, and emotions……
At the beginning of the year, I decided to find myself…..to love what was and is….to search for that person that others saw but I didn’t…..and here he stands…now, I am happier and more blessed than I can ever remember being….a smile is not unusual now; it is becoming the norm…..frustration of failed decisions are like dew on an oak tree……relationships are growing while opportunities are happening at a fascinating pace…to love thyself is the greatest love next to God and I am thankful that I was allowed to find this peace before it was too late…now, don’t get me wrong….I am still the same Spaceship Ohayses….I still have those tendencies….however, I am learning to channel them and not allow myself to dwell on them…..I remember being called nonchalant a lot just because I didn’t show any emotions…..now I am nonchalant because my emotions are not getting affected the way they used to be….and it’s a beautiful thing…..I feel myself growing’ ready for whatever the world has to offer me and excited about seeing a new day….I feel a rebirth within my soul……..
We all have had our trials and tribulations….growing pains are a part of life just like going to the club, road trips and relationships…..no one is immune to them….how we respond shows the truest testament of our character…..until that final page is done, we always have the chance to write a happy ending…..as many people that influence us, we are the final decision maker in our paths to greatness….no one, and I mean no one will love you like you do…no one will know what it takes for you to be happy like you do…..so now what?....WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT??
Love yall!
Church!
You all should have seen the flyer by now….its on twitter, facebook, and I have sent it by email to some….if you have not, I will definitely be sending it out via email….even if I don’t want to…..yahoo is starting to suck but I know this is the passage that we all began this journey on, so I must continue it…..tonight, don’t forget I will be live on Fishbowl Radio with my homie Ms. Nique Nique as we bring you the best in online radio havoc….we are in the grey bowl from 9-11 central standard time…..and Sunday, I will be on www.spindatmusic.com from 6-10 central standard time for Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown…..and if you have not had a chance to listen to either show, you are missing a treat!!......
So….I feel a change of winds coming on…..I’m approaching the young age of 31 Tuesday and my life is finally reaching a level I have always prayed about…..my life was never easy….but a lot of times, I made it harder….I have never claimed to be a product of my environment or a lost cause….my motto was that I was born alone and I shall die alone….hurt and pain were the only things I could relate to when it came to people…yes, I love to entertain, but to get emotionally attached often left me with a sour taste and a numb feeling….through my marriage, the birth of my daughter, the death of my grandparents and various other milestones in my life, I decided to always keep my feelings close to my hip….for so long, I was the advice column; giving advice to those when in fact, I had no answers for myself…..I felt like Janet Jackson in Why Did I Get Married…….
The lack of smiling was not my true emotion, it was my wall…..I felt there was a certain weakness within me if I allowed happy emotions to show…the majority of folks that surrounded me either were negative, messy, or wanted me to stay in yesterday….instead of always defending myself, I chose to keep this wall up, hoping it would cause a fear to them to establish a relationship with me…the only time I could show elatement was when I was performing……after that, back I go into the cave that was my soul…..now don’t get me wrong, I tried to push through my own wall, only to find myself falling in deeper from the backlash which was my own self-pity….did I know I was internally throwing myself a pity party?....sometimes….did I care?....not one bit…for I felt the safest place for me to be would be within my thoughts, dreams, and emotions……
At the beginning of the year, I decided to find myself…..to love what was and is….to search for that person that others saw but I didn’t…..and here he stands…now, I am happier and more blessed than I can ever remember being….a smile is not unusual now; it is becoming the norm…..frustration of failed decisions are like dew on an oak tree……relationships are growing while opportunities are happening at a fascinating pace…to love thyself is the greatest love next to God and I am thankful that I was allowed to find this peace before it was too late…now, don’t get me wrong….I am still the same Spaceship Ohayses….I still have those tendencies….however, I am learning to channel them and not allow myself to dwell on them…..I remember being called nonchalant a lot just because I didn’t show any emotions…..now I am nonchalant because my emotions are not getting affected the way they used to be….and it’s a beautiful thing…..I feel myself growing’ ready for whatever the world has to offer me and excited about seeing a new day….I feel a rebirth within my soul……..
We all have had our trials and tribulations….growing pains are a part of life just like going to the club, road trips and relationships…..no one is immune to them….how we respond shows the truest testament of our character…..until that final page is done, we always have the chance to write a happy ending…..as many people that influence us, we are the final decision maker in our paths to greatness….no one, and I mean no one will love you like you do…no one will know what it takes for you to be happy like you do…..so now what?....WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT??
Love yall!
Church!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
ITS NOT THAT HARD TO SAY GOODBYE......
Good evening great folks!!....back by popular demand, I am here, I am here….great day to be incredible if I may say so myself….well, I am still at work and as much as I am ready to leave, I am so glad I didn’t…..because if I would have, you guys would not be getting this blog…so much going on in the world of Spaceship Ohayses and I want to personally thank each and everyone of you that have supported the movement, loved me when I hated myself, and continue to define to define the true meaning of friendship for me…..if you don’t know, my birthday bash is next Saturday March 12th at the Prophet Bar in Deep Ellum….the address is 2548 ELM ST, DALLAS TX 75226…doors open at 9 and I p[ray everyone can make it out to this event!! I promise it is going to be a night few will ever forget!!......
Also, don’t forget to check out my girl Ms Nique Nique and myself on fish bowl radio in the grey bowl every Friday night from 9-11 cst…… www.fishbowlradio.com and myself on www.spindatmusic.com on the hip hop/r&b station every Sunday from 6-10 cst……God has been showing me so much favor it is ridiculous!!.....I hope that you all can become a part of out internet radio family…and if you know anything about me, you know I am always going to let loose with a mic in my hand…….
So, I went home to Michigan this past weekend…was able to spend some time with my loved ones, see some friends and just enjoy a good weekend of relaxation…..it was totally hard for me to drive past my grandmother house and see it vacant….this was the first time I ever went home and did not pull into 310 Harriet Street first….crazy feeling there I tell you…..I ended up going to my grandmother’s church on Sunday to see those that loved her as well as some family members that had not talked to me since her passing….as we walked in, it was realized that we were terribly late…..the pastor was already up and giving the message so I sat down and listened to what he had to say….he was talking about yesterday……
Yesterday is our past…its amazing how people keep us neutral from growth and the progressions of life by constantly bringing up our yesterday……we have all made many mistakes, but that was yesterday……we may have faced defeat, adversity, sorrow, pain, and despair, but that was yesterday….we may have even strayed away from the things God commands of us, but once we decide to get it right….once we choose to change courses in our life, those things become yesterday…..it amazes me, when I look back and honestly reflect on the path I have taken, how many folks try to convince ME to stay in my yesterday…..and believe me, I know how hard it is to cut those thoughts and people off and focus on my today and my tomorrow……
I’m not going to sit here and tell you cut people off…most of our biggest haters are the ones we love the most…..we must realize as we continue to obtain wisdom…as we continue to move towards the dreams and destinations of our heart, that some things…people, places, ideologies, and habits must cease to exist in our lives…or as my grandmother would say, “feed em with a long handle spoon”……I cant move forward if I am always looking in my rear view mirror at yesterday…I will eventually crash……if my vehicle to go to tomorrow is stuck in neutral, where am I really going….for too long, I was told what I cant do....what wont work....and how I will always be…well, my friends, I am here to say I am a testimony of what positive thinking and hard work can do….I don’t strive to be mean to people; just honest to myself….how can I focus on marriage, continuing to play the field?......how can I focus on my career wishing I was still in college?......where would I be if I still acted as if no one loved me and I was back running the streets like in high school……tomorrow is approaching fast….and I cant get ready for it if I am still dealing with….yesterday….
Continue to focus on the greatness in you….always work with high moral and never allow yourself to put in yesterday….time waits for no man…..and it is the one thing you can get back…so leave it where it sleeps…in yesterday…….
Love yall!!!
Church!!
Also, don’t forget to check out my girl Ms Nique Nique and myself on fish bowl radio in the grey bowl every Friday night from 9-11 cst…… www.fishbowlradio.com and myself on www.spindatmusic.com on the hip hop/r&b station every Sunday from 6-10 cst……God has been showing me so much favor it is ridiculous!!.....I hope that you all can become a part of out internet radio family…and if you know anything about me, you know I am always going to let loose with a mic in my hand…….
So, I went home to Michigan this past weekend…was able to spend some time with my loved ones, see some friends and just enjoy a good weekend of relaxation…..it was totally hard for me to drive past my grandmother house and see it vacant….this was the first time I ever went home and did not pull into 310 Harriet Street first….crazy feeling there I tell you…..I ended up going to my grandmother’s church on Sunday to see those that loved her as well as some family members that had not talked to me since her passing….as we walked in, it was realized that we were terribly late…..the pastor was already up and giving the message so I sat down and listened to what he had to say….he was talking about yesterday……
Yesterday is our past…its amazing how people keep us neutral from growth and the progressions of life by constantly bringing up our yesterday……we have all made many mistakes, but that was yesterday……we may have faced defeat, adversity, sorrow, pain, and despair, but that was yesterday….we may have even strayed away from the things God commands of us, but once we decide to get it right….once we choose to change courses in our life, those things become yesterday…..it amazes me, when I look back and honestly reflect on the path I have taken, how many folks try to convince ME to stay in my yesterday…..and believe me, I know how hard it is to cut those thoughts and people off and focus on my today and my tomorrow……
I’m not going to sit here and tell you cut people off…most of our biggest haters are the ones we love the most…..we must realize as we continue to obtain wisdom…as we continue to move towards the dreams and destinations of our heart, that some things…people, places, ideologies, and habits must cease to exist in our lives…or as my grandmother would say, “feed em with a long handle spoon”……I cant move forward if I am always looking in my rear view mirror at yesterday…I will eventually crash……if my vehicle to go to tomorrow is stuck in neutral, where am I really going….for too long, I was told what I cant do....what wont work....and how I will always be…well, my friends, I am here to say I am a testimony of what positive thinking and hard work can do….I don’t strive to be mean to people; just honest to myself….how can I focus on marriage, continuing to play the field?......how can I focus on my career wishing I was still in college?......where would I be if I still acted as if no one loved me and I was back running the streets like in high school……tomorrow is approaching fast….and I cant get ready for it if I am still dealing with….yesterday….
Continue to focus on the greatness in you….always work with high moral and never allow yourself to put in yesterday….time waits for no man…..and it is the one thing you can get back…so leave it where it sleeps…in yesterday…….
Love yall!!!
Church!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
