1. I’m alive and breathing.
2. My daughter is alive and breathing.
3. I have a roof over my head.
4. I have clothes.
5. I know God.
6. I have a job.
7. I have a goal/destiny/plan.
8. I love my family.
9. I have my health and my strength.
10. I have the world’s greatest friends.
11. I’m not in jail.
12. I have food.
13. My daughter looks to me as a role model.
14. My daughter’s mom is great.
15. I have an album online for purchase.
16. I host some of the biggest clubs in the DFW Metroplex.
17. I have graduated from college.
18. I have been a school teacher.
19. God provides for me when I doubt myself.
20. I am able to write this blog.
Its amazing that I can write about 20 things that I thank God for but yet spend many a nights wondering why I feel like my life is spiraling out of control……..good afternoon ladies and gentlemen……I hope I come to you in great strength……..miss writing you all and I actually have been trying to get this post out……been actually….gasp!...working at work…yes, I know its getting cold in hell……..give a brother credit for trying once in a while……..lots has been going on……sometimes little has been going on…….in the meantime, I have still been Spaceship Ohayses, the Incredible……
I truly have been wanting to blog about this for a while now…….last week, I had a great epiphany about my life and even though towards this past weekend I got very week, I think I am putting things into a better perspective…….I had someone very close to me give me the notion that they wanted to kill themselves recently and everything and every reason I gave them for not giving up, I had to swallow as well…….over the past two years, I have been through more storms than I could ever remember and I don’t know why…..been told I’m not the same guy from high school, college, or even after my marriage……and I agreed with them……because I know I am not…..I have shown major flashes or mental defeat…it got so bad that even when things were looking up, I still made a mountain out of a mole hill……..and it wasn’t even on purpose…..I had conditioned myself to believing all was bad……so I had to write it down and make it plain……most of these things that I am thankful for are tangibles…..everyday items……these don’t even include the blessings that occur everyday…..doors opening…..great shows…..Jayla learning an new word or how to write or something like that……and now I truly am in the process of reprogramming my mind…yes, I have become damaged……..
I don’t think the same…..I am very pessimistic about a lot of things…..even though I claim to be a child of Christ…….is it fear?...and if so, of what?.......is it pain?.......there are many different reasons to why I have changed my disposition so drastically……and right now, I have to ask myself if I want to figure out why……or just try to flush them out of my memory and become brand new……its tough feeling like this……I have always been a blunt and somewhat mean person, but I don’t want to end up being the person that pushes everyone away……..I don’t want to be the guy that cant find love because he doesn’t love himself…….I refuse not to live my dream of having a loving family…….but it starts with me……and I recognize that……the reality of it all…..through words and breakthroughs…..is that everybody in your life is not good for you….no matter how much you may love them, hate them, care for them, or admire them…….I was told I have a short fuse…..I realize my tolerance for bullcrap is low……and in that lies a problem…..sometimes in my haste to judge a person, if I hear something that resembles a past hurt, I instantly tune it out…….I walk away……without giving it a chance…….and that can cost me…because no two people are alike……and no two scenarios have the same outcome…….so I must distance myself from the feelings that cause me to close up….I strive to be greater tomorrow……..
Okay….I think I am done venting……have I written yall since Jayla started school??.....its an amazing feeling…..now, I know I am her dad, but once I went to meet the teacher, I really had that parent feel in my soul…….and so far, she loves it….I am hearing her speech increase…..manners getting better…..and I always thought she would be a wiz…JUST LIKE HER DADDY!!......so I am too in the process of going back to school……..
And not for a degree…..well, at least for my certification….some of you may know that I used to teach high school English before I started this new venture….and I used my music as my reason for quitting….well, financially and emotionally, its not working…..so I’m going to go back and do it right…so I can get a good job in my field and work hard at being a great teacher….with the continued experience, I should have more avenues open for my youth center…….and that is a bigger priority of mine……
Make sure you follow me: www.twitter.com/spaceshipo you know I love to hear from the masses…..
Well I guess its check out time…..got a meeting to go to………
Love yall!!!
Church!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
THE BLIND SQUIRREL FOUND HIMSELF A NUT!!
Good evening ladies and gentlemen……welcome to the Wise Words of Spaceship…I am your host, Spaceship Ohayses the Incredible…….bringing to you the best in blog thoughts and animated opinions…..for some, this will be a welcome…to others, a welcome back……I know I don’t write like I used to…and I miss it somewhat…..but the break was needed……..sometimes I get to wrapped up with being Spaceship and not enough time is put into being me……..and then things go awry……..so I have to make time to love my star player…as Katt Williams put it……..too many times, I have been sop worried about making others happy that I forget about the most important person in my life……and that’s not a knock on anyone……except myself………
Thinking about going back to teaching…..my excuse for leaving was that I needed more time to focus on Essential Entertainment, my music, and the business in general…thought I would be too consumed to try to handle teaching and being a performer…..and I know going back into that realm will probably affect it in some manor……but I’m tired of struggling…..I’m tired of living check to check while promoters give you crumbs because they think it will keep you quiet….I’m tired of not being happy at work…..I’m blessed and thankful to have my job, but this isn’t my calling……pushing a pen, not being able to educate the future and being that driving force behind someone’s success is killing me……I need the drug of helping other’s...in some shape, form or fashion…..I help people here…….just not like I want to…..or I need to……sometimes, I feel like the calling God has placed on my life is in vain….and I blame myself….been taking the easy way out for too long……..
And its due to me becoming lazy…..people are taught things everyday…it’s the retention of things learned that makes you valuable…..and I have been living off my own knowledge for a while….I can remember even in high school…I did my work….I got good grades…but I prohibited myself from learning…….in college it was the same thing…and that was with people in my life that were there to teach me…now that I am older, I have slacked on seeking the knowledge I need to survive accordingly…..maybe its my ego…..subconsciously, maybe I consider myself a know it all……a person that always thinks he is right……and that is going to be a mighty fall if I don’t get it together….one of the great things about teaching and being around others that strive for greatness is the opportunity to learn from them…..and when you hang around people that want better, you should…in most instances…want better as well…..its when we are around people that have no focus or vision…..or even simply ourselves sulking….that we don’t see the bigger picture in life……
I was told I sounded depressed lately…..and I totally agreed with this person….this was from someone that knew me in college….happy go lucky….always with a joke and a smile….always trying to be better was I………now, I find myself wishing for better instead of making better happen…..and I have to take a detour off this road……most days, I saw myself wanting to be happy…..but allowing one minute thing to change my disposition…..and not knowing how to get it back…whether it was at work…….at a show…..dealing with associates…or women…….my fuse has become a lot shorter for tomfoolery……..and as easy as it is to say we don’t do drama…since that is the quote for 2010…some of us……..hand raised right here…….don’t always know how to deal with it at times…….and sometimes, we don’t separate it from adversity….we bunch it all together and would rather ignore it than deal with it so it wont come back……see you can put a blanket over a pile of dirty clothes but you still have dirty clothes…..instead, I need to learn how to wash my hands of it so that it will not be there anymore……
I also recently joined a church……yes…..I joined a church……its been about 5 years since I called a church my home and went regularly…….but I feel comfortable there….and I feel that’s where I need to be……….in all honesty, I was terrified…my last church home really let me down and I was in this state where I didn’t want that to happen again…….I think a lot of my emotional instability stems from this…..I let one situation dictate my life, even though it has nothing to do with my present or future……by distancing myself away from God, due to an issue I had with man, maybe that’s why I wasn’t receiving the blessing I coveted…….I began to idolize the man instead of my Father…..big mistake by me…..but the great thing is, He has forgiven me and now, I can move forward with the things he wants me to do…….now the pastor at this church thinks I’m Kirk Franklin or something…..he always wants me on the mic during the music portion of service…..I informed him…..I am a hip hop star…not a singer…..he doesn’t care about that!!!!...he wants me to use the gifts I was given to praise the Lord…..so it’s a new thing……I told someone today how ironic it would be if my first #1 hit was a gospel song…..sounds far-fetched don’t it……..hmmmmmm……
So as you see, soul searching has been done…..I long to write you guys everyday….but in reality…my life has been about as boring as waiting in a jail cell for a doctors appointment…….surely, I will have more as my life has taken a turn for the best…thinking about writing a new album……going back to get this teaching certification….and finishing this year on a good not…God has been good to me…..I haven’t shown the appreciation I should……..acknowledgement is a start…….you cant go to rehab if you don’t think you have a problem……..got some shows next week so if you would like to come check me out, feel free to hit me up about them…….oh I am on twitter a lot lately….finally figured out how to put the app on my phone…so hit me there as well…. www.twitter.com/spaceshipo ........and unlike other celebrities, I will always respond to you……if my phone doesn’t freeze…damn Smartphone’s!!.........
Love yall!!!
Church!!!!!!
Thinking about going back to teaching…..my excuse for leaving was that I needed more time to focus on Essential Entertainment, my music, and the business in general…thought I would be too consumed to try to handle teaching and being a performer…..and I know going back into that realm will probably affect it in some manor……but I’m tired of struggling…..I’m tired of living check to check while promoters give you crumbs because they think it will keep you quiet….I’m tired of not being happy at work…..I’m blessed and thankful to have my job, but this isn’t my calling……pushing a pen, not being able to educate the future and being that driving force behind someone’s success is killing me……I need the drug of helping other’s...in some shape, form or fashion…..I help people here…….just not like I want to…..or I need to……sometimes, I feel like the calling God has placed on my life is in vain….and I blame myself….been taking the easy way out for too long……..
And its due to me becoming lazy…..people are taught things everyday…it’s the retention of things learned that makes you valuable…..and I have been living off my own knowledge for a while….I can remember even in high school…I did my work….I got good grades…but I prohibited myself from learning…….in college it was the same thing…and that was with people in my life that were there to teach me…now that I am older, I have slacked on seeking the knowledge I need to survive accordingly…..maybe its my ego…..subconsciously, maybe I consider myself a know it all……a person that always thinks he is right……and that is going to be a mighty fall if I don’t get it together….one of the great things about teaching and being around others that strive for greatness is the opportunity to learn from them…..and when you hang around people that want better, you should…in most instances…want better as well…..its when we are around people that have no focus or vision…..or even simply ourselves sulking….that we don’t see the bigger picture in life……
I was told I sounded depressed lately…..and I totally agreed with this person….this was from someone that knew me in college….happy go lucky….always with a joke and a smile….always trying to be better was I………now, I find myself wishing for better instead of making better happen…..and I have to take a detour off this road……most days, I saw myself wanting to be happy…..but allowing one minute thing to change my disposition…..and not knowing how to get it back…whether it was at work…….at a show…..dealing with associates…or women…….my fuse has become a lot shorter for tomfoolery……..and as easy as it is to say we don’t do drama…since that is the quote for 2010…some of us……..hand raised right here…….don’t always know how to deal with it at times…….and sometimes, we don’t separate it from adversity….we bunch it all together and would rather ignore it than deal with it so it wont come back……see you can put a blanket over a pile of dirty clothes but you still have dirty clothes…..instead, I need to learn how to wash my hands of it so that it will not be there anymore……
I also recently joined a church……yes…..I joined a church……its been about 5 years since I called a church my home and went regularly…….but I feel comfortable there….and I feel that’s where I need to be……….in all honesty, I was terrified…my last church home really let me down and I was in this state where I didn’t want that to happen again…….I think a lot of my emotional instability stems from this…..I let one situation dictate my life, even though it has nothing to do with my present or future……by distancing myself away from God, due to an issue I had with man, maybe that’s why I wasn’t receiving the blessing I coveted…….I began to idolize the man instead of my Father…..big mistake by me…..but the great thing is, He has forgiven me and now, I can move forward with the things he wants me to do…….now the pastor at this church thinks I’m Kirk Franklin or something…..he always wants me on the mic during the music portion of service…..I informed him…..I am a hip hop star…not a singer…..he doesn’t care about that!!!!...he wants me to use the gifts I was given to praise the Lord…..so it’s a new thing……I told someone today how ironic it would be if my first #1 hit was a gospel song…..sounds far-fetched don’t it……..hmmmmmm……
So as you see, soul searching has been done…..I long to write you guys everyday….but in reality…my life has been about as boring as waiting in a jail cell for a doctors appointment…….surely, I will have more as my life has taken a turn for the best…thinking about writing a new album……going back to get this teaching certification….and finishing this year on a good not…God has been good to me…..I haven’t shown the appreciation I should……..acknowledgement is a start…….you cant go to rehab if you don’t think you have a problem……..got some shows next week so if you would like to come check me out, feel free to hit me up about them…….oh I am on twitter a lot lately….finally figured out how to put the app on my phone…so hit me there as well…. www.twitter.com/spaceshipo ........and unlike other celebrities, I will always respond to you……if my phone doesn’t freeze…damn Smartphone’s!!.........
Love yall!!!
Church!!!!!!
Monday, August 9, 2010
I'M ACCEPTING MY CANDIDACY!!!
Well what do you know……Spaceship Ohayses is here…have no fear!!!......how is the world treating you all today?......I know you guys are probably missing my blogs…and guess what??...they miss you too!!.......but I haven’t found that groove like I used to…….I promise one day I will get it back……..then again, I kinda like not having that weight of having to put a blog out everyday……don’t know how long this one will be either……didn’t know I was going to write one but seeing how I don’t feel like working the rest of the day, it gives me something to do……gotta stay a little longer than my schedule due to getting to work a few minutes past my scheduled time……like an hour and a half late…but its all good…….im going to make sure I make up the time so we wont have any problems………
What a weekend!!....I don’t know what else to say…I truly believe God has a sense of humor unlike any of us……I remember a song my grandmother used to sing….”he may not come when you want Him, but He’s on time”……sometimes, I think I should have bought a watch from the same store he did…….it seems that he waits until you are right at that breaking point and then pulls you back into his arms…….makes me think back to the first time I tried to learn how to swim…..I was calm, followed directions, and did everything my instructor asked me to do…….and then she let me go……and I continued to sink…and the more I sunk, the more frustrated I got….I started flapping my arms…..gasping for breath…….screaming for desperate attention…there is no way she is just going to sit there and let me drown…..is it?.......I could stop…the more I screamed and flailed, the more I succeeded in drowning….then just when I think I should give up and let myself go, she grabs me…….pulls me out of the water…..wipes me with a towel and laughs…..now who is this funny too again?.........
And that’s our lives in a nutshell…..he tells us we can do it….sits us out in that water and waits……and we began the panicking process on our own…..and the more we panic, the more desperate the situation seems…..and even when he pulls us out, we are too busy being mad about what transpired than to give recognition to the one that saved us……how grateful am I?......ugh!!......reflection sucks sometimes……..
So last night I go up to the Green Elephant for the freestyle battle…..now, I usually go to this charity event just to support my partners, the Red Eye District and rub shoulders with a few Europeans…..man, they love to get drunk!!!......I go up there and perform with one of my homeboys from another group, MoMu…….I don’t ever think I am going to win a freestyle battle…im too wordy……with battles, you need to get to the point and I think too much to put it all down within 30 seconds…….but I kept my word and went out there…..the one thing I don’t like about there shows is that they start late…I have to say that because I was ready to go by the time the battles started…..but I went ahead anyway….now depending on who you ask, I was either one of the best battlers last night or on a very lucky string….even I don’t think I did too great….I mean, I felt that I had better punch lines in other competitions but came up short……well, we won……and as much as I was not going to go…..I was so out of it this whole weekend…I went and put some unexpected dollars in my pocket…..faith without works is dead!!!!.........
Its crazy how perception of life changes when things are going well……that’s a very selfish trait…and yes I am guilty of it…….when I am down, I become secluded…..everything bothers me….and I would prefer not to share my joys or failures with anyone…..just like on these blogs….most of you know my mood swings…and there are times when I just don’t want to write…maybe its because I don’t want to be negative and spoil other people’s days…….I would rather teach, encourage, and make a person feel better about themselves……not wishing it was something they could do to help or make someone feel bad about me……that’s a party I don’t want to attend…..I am learning to open up…and not just on here….I have realized that since my granny passed, I don’t talk to anyone about things that go on in my life……..and it catches up to me…I feel drained a lot….stressed even more…and angry all the time……
Now the hard part is knowing how to pick up the pieces….how to open up and love once again…..how to trust someone with my well being……I used to think it would be okay to die lonely…..and I think that’s how I lived my life……I think it has to do with the fact that I don’t like being a disappointment……that’s one of my issues…..I hate failure…on any scope or facet…..but I am learning failure is a part of life……nobody wins all the time……..
WELL AS WE ALL KNOW, EACH FRIDAY WE HOLD A PRELIMINARY GROOVE AT MURPHYS PLACE……THIS FRIDAY WILL BE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME…..WE ARE RAISING MONEY FOR MY DJ, DJ LADY JA-ROQ……..I NEED EVERYBODY TO COME OUT AND SUPPORT THIS EVENT…….SOMETIMES, WE HAVE TO PULL TOGETHER TO HELP ONE ANOTHER OUT AND THIS IS A CALL OF ACTION……..9410 WALNUT STREET….DOORS OPEN AT 9, FREE FOR EVERYBODY UNTIL 10:38!!!........DJ BLASTT ON THE 1S AND 2S………I WILL SEE YOU THERE!!!
Well I am about to go…..shout outs to everyone that continues to support me…..I am now active on twitter so go ahead and follow me…if you think I am funny on here…you haven’t heard anything yet!!...im calling out everybody!!!...... www.twitter.com/spaceshipo
Love yall!!!!!!
Church!!!
What a weekend!!....I don’t know what else to say…I truly believe God has a sense of humor unlike any of us……I remember a song my grandmother used to sing….”he may not come when you want Him, but He’s on time”……sometimes, I think I should have bought a watch from the same store he did…….it seems that he waits until you are right at that breaking point and then pulls you back into his arms…….makes me think back to the first time I tried to learn how to swim…..I was calm, followed directions, and did everything my instructor asked me to do…….and then she let me go……and I continued to sink…and the more I sunk, the more frustrated I got….I started flapping my arms…..gasping for breath…….screaming for desperate attention…there is no way she is just going to sit there and let me drown…..is it?.......I could stop…the more I screamed and flailed, the more I succeeded in drowning….then just when I think I should give up and let myself go, she grabs me…….pulls me out of the water…..wipes me with a towel and laughs…..now who is this funny too again?.........
And that’s our lives in a nutshell…..he tells us we can do it….sits us out in that water and waits……and we began the panicking process on our own…..and the more we panic, the more desperate the situation seems…..and even when he pulls us out, we are too busy being mad about what transpired than to give recognition to the one that saved us……how grateful am I?......ugh!!......reflection sucks sometimes……..
So last night I go up to the Green Elephant for the freestyle battle…..now, I usually go to this charity event just to support my partners, the Red Eye District and rub shoulders with a few Europeans…..man, they love to get drunk!!!......I go up there and perform with one of my homeboys from another group, MoMu…….I don’t ever think I am going to win a freestyle battle…im too wordy……with battles, you need to get to the point and I think too much to put it all down within 30 seconds…….but I kept my word and went out there…..the one thing I don’t like about there shows is that they start late…I have to say that because I was ready to go by the time the battles started…..but I went ahead anyway….now depending on who you ask, I was either one of the best battlers last night or on a very lucky string….even I don’t think I did too great….I mean, I felt that I had better punch lines in other competitions but came up short……well, we won……and as much as I was not going to go…..I was so out of it this whole weekend…I went and put some unexpected dollars in my pocket…..faith without works is dead!!!!.........
Its crazy how perception of life changes when things are going well……that’s a very selfish trait…and yes I am guilty of it…….when I am down, I become secluded…..everything bothers me….and I would prefer not to share my joys or failures with anyone…..just like on these blogs….most of you know my mood swings…and there are times when I just don’t want to write…maybe its because I don’t want to be negative and spoil other people’s days…….I would rather teach, encourage, and make a person feel better about themselves……not wishing it was something they could do to help or make someone feel bad about me……that’s a party I don’t want to attend…..I am learning to open up…and not just on here….I have realized that since my granny passed, I don’t talk to anyone about things that go on in my life……..and it catches up to me…I feel drained a lot….stressed even more…and angry all the time……
Now the hard part is knowing how to pick up the pieces….how to open up and love once again…..how to trust someone with my well being……I used to think it would be okay to die lonely…..and I think that’s how I lived my life……I think it has to do with the fact that I don’t like being a disappointment……that’s one of my issues…..I hate failure…on any scope or facet…..but I am learning failure is a part of life……nobody wins all the time……..
WELL AS WE ALL KNOW, EACH FRIDAY WE HOLD A PRELIMINARY GROOVE AT MURPHYS PLACE……THIS FRIDAY WILL BE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME…..WE ARE RAISING MONEY FOR MY DJ, DJ LADY JA-ROQ……..I NEED EVERYBODY TO COME OUT AND SUPPORT THIS EVENT…….SOMETIMES, WE HAVE TO PULL TOGETHER TO HELP ONE ANOTHER OUT AND THIS IS A CALL OF ACTION……..9410 WALNUT STREET….DOORS OPEN AT 9, FREE FOR EVERYBODY UNTIL 10:38!!!........DJ BLASTT ON THE 1S AND 2S………I WILL SEE YOU THERE!!!
Well I am about to go…..shout outs to everyone that continues to support me…..I am now active on twitter so go ahead and follow me…if you think I am funny on here…you haven’t heard anything yet!!...im calling out everybody!!!...... www.twitter.com/spaceshipo
Love yall!!!!!!
Church!!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
SWIZZ KEYS WIT A CHICO STICK
Soooooo….I can honestly say I had no intentions to write today…….but here I am…thanks to Consuelo hounding me…and I love it……how are you all doing today?.....I am and have been well…been going through a major transitional period in my life…..and lately, I have been at the place where I am letting the chips fall where they may…..in reality, I don’t know what’s going on……it feels like a down period in the entertainment field…..and maybe that’s a good thing…….I needed to step away for a minute…still doing some things….but not as much as I should or I could...the funny thing about that statement is that its an unintentional main idea for this edition of Wise Words of Spaceship…….and the reason for my epiphany…..
Good friends aren’t nice……and I don’t think they should be….we spend so much time having the truth camouflaged by what people THINK we want to hear…..as a society, we spend a lot of time stroking egos and making sure we are accepted…….I think my social circle is small because of this fact…I have yet learned how to fake liking somebody…..this may be a good thing. May be a bad thing…none the less, it helps me identify the grey areas in my personal relationships…..even Jayla, in all her innocence will tell me when she doesn’t approve of something about me…whether its my breath, my clothes, needing a hair cut, or the wrong shoes…….and I love her for it……….
Now a lil back story about Ohayses……..I was raised by my grandparents as we all know…..and even though they were prevalent, I truly raised myself……when something needed to be done, I was typically the one handling business……even at 15 years old, I recall needing to take sports physicals…..I couldn’t wait on my grandmother to give me the money…I played tunk, won it, and got the physical done……she just reimbursed me……if someone didn’t do anything that benefitted me, if didn’t like an article of clothing anymore, even if I wanted to move residency, I did it…..without confirming with anyone and at the blink of an eye……..I was a piece of loose leaf paper....wherever the wind took me and my mental state of mind on a particular date, I went…without thinking or caring where I would be next……..
I see my life as a tree without roots…….my roots were never truly solid into the ground in the first place……..it was hard for me to see growth because of this…I never had a measuring stick….I never paid attention to where I had been……or where I was going…..all I knew is I was going to get there……on a journey with no map if you will…..without these roots, maybe I wasn’t getting the nourishment I needed to grow correctly……without these roots, I was never able to truly establish a legacy……yes I was a tree, but a tree not growing is a dead tree……….
So what am I saying?.........I am taking a closer glance at my life….I see that one of my flaws has been my persistence…….it does take hard work to see great results……..and I am very good at starting the work…..my flaw is completing it……in whatever facet…..and that is the main reason that I have not walked totally into everything God has for me……hearing this from a friend sucked……at the same time, it was refreshing…for so long I wondered what it is that I am missing in my life…….what is it that I am not doing that is stopping me from reaching my destiny……..its not so much what I am not doing…its what I am not doing on a consistent basis…….I have all these great ideas, plans, and dreams bottled up in me…I have a great family within Essential Entertainment that believes in me…it is I that lack sometimes and there, my friends, is where I fail…….
Sometimes its hard recognizing that I don’t know myself…..im used to being invincible and always succeeding....but what happens when natural talent just doesn’t do it?.......I am finally at a place where I have to sit back and pay attention….been living reckless way too long……been getting by just barely…and now it has taken a toll……now is the time for me to rectify the mistakes I have made….now is the time to admit my faults to myself and do all I can to improve them…..
Persistence….patience……drive…and a passion…..those things I have to grasp and truly shoot for….im not getting younger and the things I long for…..financial security…a better relationship on my behalf with God….a family……my own youth center…are attainable….its up to me….its time to stop lying to myself and living inside the bubble I feel secure in……..
Please don’t take this as a sad story….its a great feeling to know where my mishaps are…I am learning to listen to others and become a better person for it……..self reflection only goes so far………….
Love yall!!!!!
Church!!!!!
Good friends aren’t nice……and I don’t think they should be….we spend so much time having the truth camouflaged by what people THINK we want to hear…..as a society, we spend a lot of time stroking egos and making sure we are accepted…….I think my social circle is small because of this fact…I have yet learned how to fake liking somebody…..this may be a good thing. May be a bad thing…none the less, it helps me identify the grey areas in my personal relationships…..even Jayla, in all her innocence will tell me when she doesn’t approve of something about me…whether its my breath, my clothes, needing a hair cut, or the wrong shoes…….and I love her for it……….
Now a lil back story about Ohayses……..I was raised by my grandparents as we all know…..and even though they were prevalent, I truly raised myself……when something needed to be done, I was typically the one handling business……even at 15 years old, I recall needing to take sports physicals…..I couldn’t wait on my grandmother to give me the money…I played tunk, won it, and got the physical done……she just reimbursed me……if someone didn’t do anything that benefitted me, if didn’t like an article of clothing anymore, even if I wanted to move residency, I did it…..without confirming with anyone and at the blink of an eye……..I was a piece of loose leaf paper....wherever the wind took me and my mental state of mind on a particular date, I went…without thinking or caring where I would be next……..
I see my life as a tree without roots…….my roots were never truly solid into the ground in the first place……..it was hard for me to see growth because of this…I never had a measuring stick….I never paid attention to where I had been……or where I was going…..all I knew is I was going to get there……on a journey with no map if you will…..without these roots, maybe I wasn’t getting the nourishment I needed to grow correctly……without these roots, I was never able to truly establish a legacy……yes I was a tree, but a tree not growing is a dead tree……….
So what am I saying?.........I am taking a closer glance at my life….I see that one of my flaws has been my persistence…….it does take hard work to see great results……..and I am very good at starting the work…..my flaw is completing it……in whatever facet…..and that is the main reason that I have not walked totally into everything God has for me……hearing this from a friend sucked……at the same time, it was refreshing…for so long I wondered what it is that I am missing in my life…….what is it that I am not doing that is stopping me from reaching my destiny……..its not so much what I am not doing…its what I am not doing on a consistent basis…….I have all these great ideas, plans, and dreams bottled up in me…I have a great family within Essential Entertainment that believes in me…it is I that lack sometimes and there, my friends, is where I fail…….
Sometimes its hard recognizing that I don’t know myself…..im used to being invincible and always succeeding....but what happens when natural talent just doesn’t do it?.......I am finally at a place where I have to sit back and pay attention….been living reckless way too long……been getting by just barely…and now it has taken a toll……now is the time for me to rectify the mistakes I have made….now is the time to admit my faults to myself and do all I can to improve them…..
Persistence….patience……drive…and a passion…..those things I have to grasp and truly shoot for….im not getting younger and the things I long for…..financial security…a better relationship on my behalf with God….a family……my own youth center…are attainable….its up to me….its time to stop lying to myself and living inside the bubble I feel secure in……..
Please don’t take this as a sad story….its a great feeling to know where my mishaps are…I am learning to listen to others and become a better person for it……..self reflection only goes so far………….
Love yall!!!!!
Church!!!!!
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