Thank you. For so long, I had been wondering what was wrong with me. It seems like time is flying by and I don’t have one clue on how to fix what I have messed up. That is until last night. Sometimes, we don’t understand why things happen to us. Or why we must take the path that God has chosen for us. It has been my mission to become all I can be, yet somehow, I continue to fight with the demons and inconsistencies that I am accustomed to. I try not to focus on negative much but I do ask myself all the time, “where is this leading?” Last night, you created a passion in me that I have not had since 2009. Yep, that was the year my grandmother passed. And probably the year I achieved the most success of my adult life. 2010 was a year I don’t remember. If someone said I let them down that year, I would not argue. My mind transform into this cave of solitude; I no longer had the “mojo” I once claimed to be the holder of.
Music was my only outlet. Yea, I had Jayla but since didn’t care about who I thought I was. She only cared about me being daddy. And that was fine as long as she was around. Without her in my face, I was a shell of my former self. I became a walking silhouette. I loved music, I loved hearing, breathing, surrounding myself with music but I stopped writing it. I stopped hosting it. I didn’t want to be associated with it under the premise that I had to take a vested interest in it. Music became a friend with benefits. My DJ was gone, my Essential Entertainment family was gone, my motivation was gone. I decided in 2011 to re-dedicate myself to my endeavors of music. I forced myself to stay “in my zone”. I set ground rules and regulations to ensure I did it right this time. I learned alot during my time off that I really didn’t understand until I got back in the game. I became a business man.
The hardest part about this journey was that I did become a little lazy and also dependant on people. Now, it was time for me to do it on my own. Sure, I will always have people to support me, but this was MY dream. This is MY destiny. I got the radio show poppin, started to work on the album a little more, and even started re-appearing at different shows. Over the course of this last year, I have added leading actor, comedian, stage manager, director, sound technician, caterer, and critic to my resume. I always wanted to get back to hosting but I refused to take over for my little bro who is doing his thing with Ja-Roq. I didn’t want to start my own club night because I know how risky and annoying those things could be. Until I realized that that is my calling. Some say I’m stupid for being so transparent and personal with people, knowing they can use that against me or take my words out of context. Oh well. This is me. I’m not perfect. Not even going to try to be anymore. That shit is hard to do!! What I am going to do is work hard on being a better me. And to reach my potential.
Now you may be reading this and asking yourself, “what the hell does any of this have to do with me?” Well, I shall tell you. Because of your snide remarks and and blatant disrespect of the hip hop community last night, you are officially the straw that broke the camel’s back. You are now my motivation. You became the face of everything I work hard to defeat. It’s not about “me” winning; it’s about “us”. And who is “us”? The many artist who are working hard to get their music out there and be heard. The artist that just want to be appreciated for their craft. The ones that want real talk and not just a fake ass gangsta taking them for granted. See, I have seen plenty of people like you, swearing you for the streets. But in reality, you just trying to line your pockets so that the streets can pay your fee. You don’t have a clue about the heart and soul of this music thing. The beat of every one of these underground artist goes through my veins and I will not allow wack people to deter them from their dreams. See, what you fail to realize about me is that I am smarter than you know. I’m methodical. I been doing this so long, I got tired. Now, I have a reason. I will not let you destroy Dallas hip hop. I will never judge you but I also can see what is not good for me. Some things, I have learned to stay away from.
Now I do understand every one will not hear my message. Some people that do hear it, will still be drawn to you and its not because they don’t know any better. It’s just that is all they are comfortable with. So don’t be surprised if less and less people want you in their presence. If someone sees or hears you, don’t get mad if they tune you out- it’s the nature of the beast. Rap, go somewhere. You have hurt too many of my people and its time you died a quick death. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make you and your kind a thing of the past.
Love Always,
S.O.T.I
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