TIME FOR A CHANGE

December 11, 2011

4:38pm

Dear You,

I hope to find you in good spirits. Not because this letter was inevitable, but because by the end of this letter, I hope you understand my heart. This is not a letter to give me “a way out”; I prefer the “no argument” routine myself. Through all that we have been through, I realize that I no longer have anything to say. At this point, creating a back and forth discussion with no end would be pointless. So this is my way to say goodbye. And I pray you will digest what I have to say.

They say you can’t change a person. That is true. What do you do when that person changes and those changes are detrimental to our growth? I love you dearly but I am not in love with the person you have become. The one thing that may me come on to you was your grind. You made sure each and every day you did something to be a stranger, wiser, and better person than yesterday. Now, you spend more time watching my Facebook statuses and worried about what I am doing than anything. I don’t do clingy. I hear so many women talk about how they wanna go out with their home girls and still want to have a life when their man is possessive and controlling but with you, you wanna be everywhere I am. I think if they had a Take Your Boo to work day, you would want to come. You make me feel like I am doing something wrong. I remember when we used to have fun together. When we saw each other, it meant something. Somewhere in my soul, I have lost the desire to wake up next to you.

You used to be such a positive person. So I ask myself, “Is it me?” I mean, my intent is not to make you feel less of yourself at any time. I give you access to all of me; mind, body, and soul. I work hard to get you to trust me, and I tell you the truth. Isn’t that what you said you wanted, no matter how much it hurt? I even met your family, something I never do. My wall was willing to be shattered because I knew like no other, you would be my wife. This wasn’t for the short term. In my mind, I had already made the decision to do things I had not done in a while. Even when we were out together, I never gave you an implication that someone was more beautiful than you. So I realized it was your insecurities. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, you would never believe you were beautiful because you didn’t believe you were beautiful. Beauty is not skin deep; it starts from within. It seems every time I tried to love you, you would push me away.

It became apparent I was boxed in a corner. We had no future and I didn’t want to lose you. I always prayed that one day, we could get back to how we used to be. Every day, I became frustrated that I couldn’t change you. I felt that was my last chance. I wanted to be loved by you and I wanted to be your hero. Whatever was going on in your life, I wanted to be the one to make it better. But you wouldn’t let me in. There’s a song that says “you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them”. I have been holding my feelings in for so long I became sick. I became sick of your face, sick of your games, and sick of your depressing nature. In order to love me like I desire, you must love yourself first. I pray that you get things together. Not for me, but for the next person. If not, your destiny is lonely. I love you. No, I am not in love with you, but as your friend, I must tell you this. If you ever need me, I am here. I no longer will be an emotional pedofile; a man loving a child.

Sincerely,

Me