MARY POPPINS AINT GOT NUTHING ON ME!!

Good afternoon friends!!...yes I did decide to write today….was actually meaning to write you guys yesterday, but I had a blow out yesterday afternoon and it threw my whole day off……I hope I come to you all in great spirits……its getting close to the holidays, so its about time for the seasons of family and celebration…..a lot of things been going my way lately, and with this past weekend officially over, its time I continue to make positive changes and walk into my destiny……..

As many of you know, Friday marked the three year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing……Saturday, would have been my grandmother’s 74th birthday…….yeah, I know right?......last year on her birthday, she suffered a heart attack and eventually never left the hospital…..needless to say, this was a tough weekend for me……I was a little hurt as well…..I want to thank each and everyone of you that reached out to make sure I was okay…..it really felt good to know you cared…..

But there was some that either didn’t know, didn’t remember, or didn’t call…..and a few of them….whether friends, allies, co workers, or even family members…I really wanted in my loop……and the pain that struck either thinking about it, or conversing with them was weird…should I be upset?.......am I just being selfish?........why do I expect them to care?.......I could not and can not answer these questions…..its an awkward situation to be in…I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to see who cared?......I was talking to someone the other day and the topic was about caring what people think about us……isn’t that just human nature?...we can say we don’t care, but what if no one recognized our existence?.....acknowledge us for being good in their eyes?......cared if we lived or died?.....I personally think it would have an effect on our psyche…….so I was torn…..and that just multiplied to the emotions I was already having…….

AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT……..Saturday also marked the one year anniversary of the release of No Preservatives…..yes, my album release party was on my grandmother’s birthday last year…it was supposed to be my tribute to them…..and it was…but at the end of the night, I received the news about my granny……I tried very hard to think about one of the greatest nights of my life….it was awesome to all of you that came out to show support……the next album is coming…...I promise….

And this was just this past weekend!!.........and don’t forget the blow out yesterday!!....it would be so easy for me to get down on things…..the greatest of God is that he is providing me with a peace I don’t think I have had before…..something new for me, but its working…..

I was talking to someone today and they pretty much broke down crying about all that they are going through…..now, even with everything I am going through….and it is so much easier to tell folks things than it is to believe it yourself……I still had to lend an ear…to give them words of encouragement and to be of some type of comfort….in the back of mind, I realize that I am not the only one going through things….and even with the things I am going through, somebody may be doing worse………and then they hit me with the “when it rains it pours” phrase……I returned the phrase, adding “that’s why you need an umbrella”…..and that my friends, is the key…….
A lot of times we try to walk through this storm of ours without protective wear….our clothes get wet, and we refuse to change them, thinking that if we let them dry on their own, we will be the same……forgetting about the stench, and weight damp water can leave on garments……are you lost?...okay, let me say it like this…….sometimes, when we are going through, we decide to try to do it ourselves instead of putting on the armor of God…….even if we do fall short, instead of rethinking and altering our plan, we continue to let it weigh us down, wondering why its still happening to us……wondering why our circumstance has not changed……….

Now, don’t think I am sitting here like I know everything….I stress, I get frustrated, I cry, I wonder why me, and all of these things……but I am in the process of putting myself through mental boot camp….I used to be nonchalant about life’s difficulties…..then when they continued to pile on and they overwhelmed me, I didn’t know where to turn to…and honestly my friends, I contemplated suicide…..many times……..

But I am getting with the program now……and thinking negatively is an addiction…..so one day at a time, I have to change my thinking….some days, I have to force myself to think about good things……I have to make myself get out that bed and do something that’s going to make me laugh and smile…..it was easy for me to get messages or phone calls Saturday and when someone asked me how I was doing, I instantly sad something negative….or to just be in my mood……..and at that moment, I may have had to coach myself out of that state…….and with the great friends I have, you guys helped me tremendously……..it was difficult to stay sad talking to half of you idiots!!!..........

So yeah, when it rains, it does pour…don’t mean you have to get wet……get you an umbrella!!.........

I’m learning to continue thinking and saying positive things……if we can think negatively and stuff continues to happen, why can’t it happen the other way around??.....I’m just saying…….

Well, I’m gone…just had to get that off my chest….got a show tonight at Club Mystique in Ft Worth and Thursday at the Skillman Street Pub……I hope I can see a few of you there to support me…….the mojo is coming back…….


Love yall!!!!


Church!!!