Good afternoon friends!!...yes I did decide to write today….was actually meaning to write you guys yesterday, but I had a blow out yesterday afternoon and it threw my whole day off……I hope I come to you all in great spirits……its getting close to the holidays, so its about time for the seasons of family and celebration…..a lot of things been going my way lately, and with this past weekend officially over, its time I continue to make positive changes and walk into my destiny……..
As many of you know, Friday marked the three year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing……Saturday, would have been my grandmother’s 74th birthday…….yeah, I know right?......last year on her birthday, she suffered a heart attack and eventually never left the hospital…..needless to say, this was a tough weekend for me……I was a little hurt as well…..I want to thank each and everyone of you that reached out to make sure I was okay…..it really felt good to know you cared…..
But there was some that either didn’t know, didn’t remember, or didn’t call…..and a few of them….whether friends, allies, co workers, or even family members…I really wanted in my loop……and the pain that struck either thinking about it, or conversing with them was weird…should I be upset?.......am I just being selfish?........why do I expect them to care?.......I could not and can not answer these questions…..its an awkward situation to be in…I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to see who cared?......I was talking to someone the other day and the topic was about caring what people think about us……isn’t that just human nature?...we can say we don’t care, but what if no one recognized our existence?.....acknowledge us for being good in their eyes?......cared if we lived or died?.....I personally think it would have an effect on our psyche…….so I was torn…..and that just multiplied to the emotions I was already having…….
AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT……..Saturday also marked the one year anniversary of the release of No Preservatives…..yes, my album release party was on my grandmother’s birthday last year…it was supposed to be my tribute to them…..and it was…but at the end of the night, I received the news about my granny……I tried very hard to think about one of the greatest nights of my life….it was awesome to all of you that came out to show support……the next album is coming…...I promise….
And this was just this past weekend!!.........and don’t forget the blow out yesterday!!....it would be so easy for me to get down on things…..the greatest of God is that he is providing me with a peace I don’t think I have had before…..something new for me, but its working…..
I was talking to someone today and they pretty much broke down crying about all that they are going through…..now, even with everything I am going through….and it is so much easier to tell folks things than it is to believe it yourself……I still had to lend an ear…to give them words of encouragement and to be of some type of comfort….in the back of mind, I realize that I am not the only one going through things….and even with the things I am going through, somebody may be doing worse………and then they hit me with the “when it rains it pours” phrase……I returned the phrase, adding “that’s why you need an umbrella”…..and that my friends, is the key…….
A lot of times we try to walk through this storm of ours without protective wear….our clothes get wet, and we refuse to change them, thinking that if we let them dry on their own, we will be the same……forgetting about the stench, and weight damp water can leave on garments……are you lost?...okay, let me say it like this…….sometimes, when we are going through, we decide to try to do it ourselves instead of putting on the armor of God…….even if we do fall short, instead of rethinking and altering our plan, we continue to let it weigh us down, wondering why its still happening to us……wondering why our circumstance has not changed……….
Now, don’t think I am sitting here like I know everything….I stress, I get frustrated, I cry, I wonder why me, and all of these things……but I am in the process of putting myself through mental boot camp….I used to be nonchalant about life’s difficulties…..then when they continued to pile on and they overwhelmed me, I didn’t know where to turn to…and honestly my friends, I contemplated suicide…..many times……..
But I am getting with the program now……and thinking negatively is an addiction…..so one day at a time, I have to change my thinking….some days, I have to force myself to think about good things……I have to make myself get out that bed and do something that’s going to make me laugh and smile…..it was easy for me to get messages or phone calls Saturday and when someone asked me how I was doing, I instantly sad something negative….or to just be in my mood……..and at that moment, I may have had to coach myself out of that state…….and with the great friends I have, you guys helped me tremendously……..it was difficult to stay sad talking to half of you idiots!!!..........
So yeah, when it rains, it does pour…don’t mean you have to get wet……get you an umbrella!!.........
I’m learning to continue thinking and saying positive things……if we can think negatively and stuff continues to happen, why can’t it happen the other way around??.....I’m just saying…….
Well, I’m gone…just had to get that off my chest….got a show tonight at Club Mystique in Ft Worth and Thursday at the Skillman Street Pub……I hope I can see a few of you there to support me…….the mojo is coming back…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
ON THE ROAD AGAIN!!
Good afternoon great people!!.....yeah, I am here…..at work too…….hope you all are doing well….weather is changing, time to find that cuddle partner and it’s Friday!!.......I’m feeling pretty good myself…..just realized how bored I am at work today so I decided to check up on yall……..
Life is getting better for me…..you know, had some crazy things happen, but through the greatness of God, I am finding strength…..and its not getting to me like before…..its amazing how you learn about people after your relationship is over…..and I’m not just talking about girlfriend, boyfriend relationship…..over this hiatus I have taken from doing any entertainment, I have learned how much folks really don’t care about you……its all about them…..people that I have helped find shows, hosted for, performed for, worked with, and endured in business decisions with disappear when they find out you don’t have a purpose for them…..I guess that’s a lesson I should have already known…..I find it funny and sad how some people can act like they need you, but if you don’t do what they want you to, its so easy for them to dispose of you…..even in the sporadic thoughts that my blog has given over the past 2-3 months, I am still finding people taking my words out of context and being messy about them…..on one hand, at least they still have my name in their mouth…..but on the other, I’m human and its hard to fathom someone lying on you for the sole purpose of curing their own embarrassment…...and yes, if you feel like I am talking to you this time….I AM!!....
At the same time, I have found myself healing some scarred relationships that I may have damaged myself…..and with God guiding my words, I have been able to sever some hard feelings.....no, not in the sense that we are bff’s again…..but at least forgiving on both parts have taken place……and it’s a good feeling….once again, I am human and I do not like to be the source of someone’s ill will or frustration…..don’t even like being around if I know I put a damper on one’s spirit……its just me.....right, wrong, or indifferent, I want to make the world a better place…not be someone that folks don’t like to be around…..except at work, where I really don’t care!!!.........
Its almost been 2 years since my grandfather passed……October 22nd……1 year since my album release party….October 23rd……and one year from my grandmother’s birthday and her untimely heart attack…October 23rd as well….thinking about taking off work for a few days…..don’t think I would like to deal with it here at work….I am already cranky and not knowing if I will explode leads to believe that I don’t need to be at work on those days……its funny because as much as I think I about their passing’s, I still don’t know if I have dealt with it….but then again, how do I?......what is the appropriate way to deal with the passing of your parents…and yes, I do recognize them as my mother and father because of all they have done for me…..and the things they taught me along the way….I may not have paid attention to them then….but I have never forgot anything they said to me…..
Now, my mom may read this and if she does, I will probably get a phone call asking why I put something like that in my blog……I will tell u why…..its the truth….not going to go into too many details but I hope she doesn’t call or read this….my mind is not in a place to be tactful……
I had a show last night at the Skillman Street Pub and I must admit…it was one of my favorite shows I have performed at down here…..you might think “what’s the big deal?”…but for me it was a big deal….I left there and went to the Curtain Club to go chop it up with Fiend……he used to performed with No Limit back in the Day if you remember…no I didn’t go to see him perform……or to be a groupie… HE CALLED ME….and that in itself was a great feeling……but I was thinking….I don’t take a lot of pictures with celebrities…I mean, I am around them a lot….talk to them pretty frequently....and are even on first name basis……I wonder if I should photo drop some artist to prove I am in the loop…..like last night…I sat in VIP with him watching folk shaking hands and hugging him and just standing around him and I’m like ugh!!.......wasn’t that serious to me….but maybe…just maybe….I should think outside MY box….I mean, I fucks with Supa K and Keynote from the radio station and when I bring them up in conversation, I have seen chicks panties get wet!!...I’m like “they are so regular people!!”…..when has been a groupie ever been a good thing??
Been a very proud father lately….Jayla is in Pre-K and to see the growth…to hear the growth and to acknowledge that growth is a beautiful thing…..she is truly becoming a woman as much as she talks but I love every minute of it…..I remember her being born and now she is going to school……Stephanie has been getting on my butt about spending more time with her, not because I don’t….its now 3 women in their household….and no matter what you say or think, 3 women in a house is never good……too many attitudes….and I think she gets the needed discipline at my house…..I told someone the other day, I think that’s the only thing I like about being in my financial rut…….spending time with Jayla…I cant afford to buy her happiness…..we do things like watch movies, make puppets, go to the park, read, or we just sit there and I listen to her…..and the great thing is, she is appreciative……at that moment, I am all that matters to her….and in this world of childish grown folks, haters, groupies, whiners, complainers, pessimist, and naysayers, she gives me the motivation to continue to push on………
Well I am going to blow out of here…….pray for my sister Charita…she was in a car accident….don’t know the details yet, but prayers are always encouraged……
I really do miss you all……to the ones that I do talk to on a regular or even semi-regular, I thank you so much…..I am learning that we don’t realized the power we have in uplifting folks…..and to each and everyone of you, I thank you for continuing to uplift me……sometimes I do feel like I am letting people down……and sometimes you tell me to continue to have patience…so I endure……and none of you will be forgotten…..
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
Life is getting better for me…..you know, had some crazy things happen, but through the greatness of God, I am finding strength…..and its not getting to me like before…..its amazing how you learn about people after your relationship is over…..and I’m not just talking about girlfriend, boyfriend relationship…..over this hiatus I have taken from doing any entertainment, I have learned how much folks really don’t care about you……its all about them…..people that I have helped find shows, hosted for, performed for, worked with, and endured in business decisions with disappear when they find out you don’t have a purpose for them…..I guess that’s a lesson I should have already known…..I find it funny and sad how some people can act like they need you, but if you don’t do what they want you to, its so easy for them to dispose of you…..even in the sporadic thoughts that my blog has given over the past 2-3 months, I am still finding people taking my words out of context and being messy about them…..on one hand, at least they still have my name in their mouth…..but on the other, I’m human and its hard to fathom someone lying on you for the sole purpose of curing their own embarrassment…...and yes, if you feel like I am talking to you this time….I AM!!....
At the same time, I have found myself healing some scarred relationships that I may have damaged myself…..and with God guiding my words, I have been able to sever some hard feelings.....no, not in the sense that we are bff’s again…..but at least forgiving on both parts have taken place……and it’s a good feeling….once again, I am human and I do not like to be the source of someone’s ill will or frustration…..don’t even like being around if I know I put a damper on one’s spirit……its just me.....right, wrong, or indifferent, I want to make the world a better place…not be someone that folks don’t like to be around…..except at work, where I really don’t care!!!.........
Its almost been 2 years since my grandfather passed……October 22nd……1 year since my album release party….October 23rd……and one year from my grandmother’s birthday and her untimely heart attack…October 23rd as well….thinking about taking off work for a few days…..don’t think I would like to deal with it here at work….I am already cranky and not knowing if I will explode leads to believe that I don’t need to be at work on those days……its funny because as much as I think I about their passing’s, I still don’t know if I have dealt with it….but then again, how do I?......what is the appropriate way to deal with the passing of your parents…and yes, I do recognize them as my mother and father because of all they have done for me…..and the things they taught me along the way….I may not have paid attention to them then….but I have never forgot anything they said to me…..
Now, my mom may read this and if she does, I will probably get a phone call asking why I put something like that in my blog……I will tell u why…..its the truth….not going to go into too many details but I hope she doesn’t call or read this….my mind is not in a place to be tactful……
I had a show last night at the Skillman Street Pub and I must admit…it was one of my favorite shows I have performed at down here…..you might think “what’s the big deal?”…but for me it was a big deal….I left there and went to the Curtain Club to go chop it up with Fiend……he used to performed with No Limit back in the Day if you remember…no I didn’t go to see him perform……or to be a groupie… HE CALLED ME….and that in itself was a great feeling……but I was thinking….I don’t take a lot of pictures with celebrities…I mean, I am around them a lot….talk to them pretty frequently....and are even on first name basis……I wonder if I should photo drop some artist to prove I am in the loop…..like last night…I sat in VIP with him watching folk shaking hands and hugging him and just standing around him and I’m like ugh!!.......wasn’t that serious to me….but maybe…just maybe….I should think outside MY box….I mean, I fucks with Supa K and Keynote from the radio station and when I bring them up in conversation, I have seen chicks panties get wet!!...I’m like “they are so regular people!!”…..when has been a groupie ever been a good thing??
Been a very proud father lately….Jayla is in Pre-K and to see the growth…to hear the growth and to acknowledge that growth is a beautiful thing…..she is truly becoming a woman as much as she talks but I love every minute of it…..I remember her being born and now she is going to school……Stephanie has been getting on my butt about spending more time with her, not because I don’t….its now 3 women in their household….and no matter what you say or think, 3 women in a house is never good……too many attitudes….and I think she gets the needed discipline at my house…..I told someone the other day, I think that’s the only thing I like about being in my financial rut…….spending time with Jayla…I cant afford to buy her happiness…..we do things like watch movies, make puppets, go to the park, read, or we just sit there and I listen to her…..and the great thing is, she is appreciative……at that moment, I am all that matters to her….and in this world of childish grown folks, haters, groupies, whiners, complainers, pessimist, and naysayers, she gives me the motivation to continue to push on………
Well I am going to blow out of here…….pray for my sister Charita…she was in a car accident….don’t know the details yet, but prayers are always encouraged……
I really do miss you all……to the ones that I do talk to on a regular or even semi-regular, I thank you so much…..I am learning that we don’t realized the power we have in uplifting folks…..and to each and everyone of you, I thank you for continuing to uplift me……sometimes I do feel like I am letting people down……and sometimes you tell me to continue to have patience…so I endure……and none of you will be forgotten…..
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
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