HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

***so i decided to re issue some of my old blogs........in 9 days, i will be celebrating my one year of writing blogs......i may write during this time, but i also want some people to see the progression of this past year.......this blog was written june 21, 2009...enjoy***

how is everyone doing today?......you know, on holidays i decide to write late because i have to sincerely think of what i want to write.....now for mother's day, i discussed my relationship with my "mom"......i thought about doing the same thing with my dad......i realized though he doesnt even deserve that much credit......when i think about it, holidays and I really dont get along...maybe it is because of the relationships i have with my parents.....another story for another time........

in my 29 years of living, i have had three children.....a son, a daughter, and one that didnt make it past the first trimester........i have always wanted to be a part of a big family......atleast four kids....ideally, with the same mother.......the white picket fence, the after school activities, the family vacations........you know, the things i didnt have.....i always wanted a son.....with the fact that my father wasnt in my life and the family that raised me having a different last name than mine, it was always a dream to have me a junior.....well i did have a son....Kobe...yeah, his mom liked the lakers too!!!.........

he was born in April of 2001......big fat jaws...handsome little fellow.......his mom and I had a brief summer fling but that didnt matter to me......the important part was that i had a son.....was i ready for one?..........of course not.....but God had given me my life line.......someone to live for.......someone that loved me...........someone that looked up to me.....

now a lot of times, women wonder why men dont claim their kid, or why they would rather be on child support than to simply be there for the mother......first of all, let me break this down...women, if you agree to a man taking a blood test, that might mean you have some questions........especially if you are not doing it to prove him wrong........with the level of promiscuity going on nowadays, can you honestly blame him?..........secondly, the way women try to hold kids over a man's head......that ish is not needed......and sometimes a man's ego will not allow him to suck it up and do whats best...no, im not saying that is right..... but it happens.........lastly...all because im not a good mate, does not mean i wont be a good father....i may just not like you!!!!...or you might just not like me........

well this story didnt have a happy ending.........i did wonder if Kobe was mine from time to time........she told me i was the only person she was sleeping with...but something didnt add up...everytime we had sex, i used a rubber...and i didnt think it broke......but we used some of hers sometime......i raised Kobe for three years.....when i went home, i made sure i saw him and he stayed with me.....i would send her money......she would send me pictures and I would show him off.......hell, he kinda looked like me.........then i got ready to graduate........I asked Kobe's mom if I could come get him for the summer...i set up having a babysitter when i had to work and i wanted to give his grandmother some time off......she said it was cool...........i decided to go get him after graduation......

now the grandmother decided it was time to get me to pay child suppport....after a certain time, you cant get a father on the birth certificate so she decided now was the time...........i was trippin but if thats what she wanted, so be it....i was going to get a good job once i graduated......and i had just proposed to my girlfriend......we could manage......

had the bloodtest........about a week before graduation.......yeah i thought about it but more because i was pissed.......is she trying to set me up for the okey-doke.......i called her as soon as my graduation ended........i planned to party today, sleep the next day, and drive to Michigan on Monday...........

" ring"

"hello."

"whats up? is it still good for me to come get Kobe?"

"yeah....my mom will be waiting.....i got the results back."

"and?"

"and he aint yours?"

"CLICK!"

thats the last time i talked to her................it messed with me.....even when Jayla was first thougth about Kobe came back to life.........thats cold-blooded....for 3 years, i thought i had a son......in 30 seconds, i didnt anymore.............

but as i looked in my baby's face today....as she smiled at me...as she called me a king........i have no thoughts of Kobe...........i have no recollection of that pain.........no sorrow....no remorse...........my Jayla is all that matters...........the pain i felt has been redirected into a passion for her to see me great........

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO all the fathers in the world..........LOVE YOUR KIDS........REGARDLESS.............YOU ARE THEIR KINGS.......THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LOOK UP TO YOU...THEY ARE YOU.......


love yall!!!!


church!!!!