GOODBYE LOVE

March 10, 2010
2:27pm

Dear You,

I know that you have been expecting this letter…….and well, I have been expecting to write it…….but for some long, I have tried to organize my feelings so that there will be no misunderstandings in this communication…….and yet, I still feel there will be because my thought and actions are at two different places…….let me say this now……even though it may not mean much as this letter continues…….but I love you……I appreciate all that you have done for me and how you have helped mold me into the person I am today…….but I also think that is the problem…….somewhere, you have become a stronger force than I am…….you have come into my life and the person I used to be has disappeared………I want to apologize to you for me allowing this to happen…..as of today, this cant continue………..

Do you remember when we first met?......I do……didn’t understand who you were and where you came from…….I even told you how reluctant I am about new people coming into my life……but you were persistent……pretty much told me you were my destiny……..you were not going to take no for an answer…..and what did I do?........I gave in……but I truly didn’t think you would have some stay here…….a lot of people said they wanted my time…….but soon, they would see that the risk was not worth the reward….and I had accepted it……..I grew up thinking I was a disappointment so really, what’s one more?...........but you held on…..even pushed my previous into obscurity……so now it was just me and you…..and wow what a ride it was………

When I felt alone, you were there……when I was troubled, you were there to lift me up…..when my mind was at a blank, you inspired me…….you never allowed me to keep a smile on my face….but then something happened……you began to consume me……I tried to deny it but I felt it……the pressure of you and you affection slowly dwindled my happiness……I started to feel like a shell of myself…….in all actuality, I started not to feel anything……I became a man of movements, not thoughts……..I worried more about what you would think then what I felt was right……I thought you were want I wanted in my life…..no…..I thought you were what I needed……..seems like you needed me more…..so that people would recognize you…..adore you…..and so you can have importance…….

I guess what I am trying to say is that, maybe we need to end this relationship…….I am spending way too many days questioning my worth now…….the things that I felt God delivered me from are returning and I don’t like it……..over the past 15 years, I have had my ups and my downs….my joys and disappointments…….successes and failures……but now, I wonder where this relationship is leading me……..do I want to let you go that easy……not at all…and I know this is not the last I will hear from you and vice versa…..I am just so confused…….they say if you love someone, let them go and if they return, then it was meant to be……I don’t want to leave you and wait on that day, but its hard waking up knowing you are apart of my life……sometimes, I just want to go away……to be by myself to think……we both know, you wont allow that…….we both know, that you are doing all you can to control my thoughts, my words, and my actions……..and its my fault because I have allowed it for so long…….

“if it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger”………does it?........because I feel like I am dying on the inside……would I prefer a quick death or a slow methodical one…….seeing my grandmother in November, I don’t think she wanted to suffer…..and I don’t either…..in the end, we are both dying…….I am no longer sure how you benefit me anymore…..yeah, I have grown……and yes you have helped out my dream……but once again, I don’t like feeling the way I feel………

So this is my dear john letter………I love you………I hope one day, we can put away all the things that are making this relationship difficult…..until then, I will disappear….and to those this may effect, I do apologize………sometimes, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others……….it hurts………hopefully, I will be stronger in the end……..



Love Always,


Me