END OF THE ROAD

So they say they are going to pull the plug on Sunday……..just like that……no who exactly “they” are, I don’t know at this time…….and I don’t know how to feel……..right now, I’m not sad……..I’m not hurt………and I did most of my crying yesterday………shocked?.....stunned?.......those words could fit the description……..but I also have faith…….I went to school to be an English teacher, not a doctor so there is not much I can do at this time……and in all actuality, there is not much anyone can do…..it is in the hands of my Father……..its easy to thank him after the storm…….I believe he can heal my grandmother within a blink of an eye……..and in a way, I believe, he already has…..we just don’t know it yet………..

The one thing that bothers me is why does it take a tragedy for people to come together??.......I don’t want to sound cynical but….and I hate that word……it shouldn’t take something happening to my grandmother for a family member to tell me they love me……because I may not say it back…..I loved her and she loved me……there used to be a time when no one in my family was proud of me……I would put into question if they even acknowledged my presence…….my grandmother, rather right, wrong or indifferent, never stopped loving me…..even when she didn’t understand my vision……..she wasn’t ashamed of me…….but now…as the legacy of my grandparents comes to fruition, everyone wants to make sure how I am doing??......cant say im doing the same as when she is in good health…….but I am going to make it because they instilled in me the strength to always push on…….I do have a bad attitude…at times…….so it will be difficult to put these feeling away for the greater good of the situation…….but its hard to forget……and its harder to act like I did……….

So now I have to figure out how I am going to get home….probably drive but finances suck……..and if I don’t go, this will be another issue…….but I don’t think anyone knows how much I have missed work and been under the weather lately myself…….and since I’m a “rapper”, I should have money flowing out of my pockets……they want us all there Sunday to say our good-byes………I don’t want to be there to see her take her last breath…….I know I need to be there to make sure business is handled accordingly, but as far as seeing them put her in a bodybag?!!.......you can have that playa………and am I wrong for thinking about life after grandma??.......what’s going to happen to her house??......her car?.......her investments? Bank accounts? Prize possessions??...........that’s another thing I need to deal with but don’t want to…….if anybody disrespects my grandmother in anyway, it’s going to be smoke in the city……..

Its funny how things work…all my life I considered myself a bastard child……..not having a mother or father in my life……my grandparents raised me to the best of their ability……and as I got older, I considered them my parents…within a span of 2 years, they are now gone……..and yet, I have to find this place in my heart to continue to grow……continue to push towards the things God has destined for me…….as I stated earlier, I’m not sad…….in a way, I’m happy for her……because I believe she is dying of a broken heart……she misses her boo…..and now, God has decided to reunite them…….and I know their spirits cant wait…….

Well, I may be back later today….just had to vent for a minute……..

Love yall!!!!!

Church!!!!