Could this be?...am I seriously be blogging two days in a row?...say it aint so…yes it is so!!...how are you all doing this afternoon…man, I can remember looking forward to writing like this everyday….seems so long ago…I don’t even know if I have written my 400th blog yet….let me look…..363 done…I have some major work to do!!...how are you all doing today?....I am super blessed…man, it feels good to be in a positive mode…not letting anything bother me…almost did today though....Lord, forgive me…I had to catch myself…..learning that picking your battles is such an important task in life….
I remember when I lost my wallet…my ex wife and I had finished having dinner and from the restaurant to the store, somehow, I lost it….I was frustrated…the next day, I had to go to the social security office to get a new card…..when I walked in, it was packed….and it was early….I had to go to work so I couldn’t stay too long…actually I was there for about an hour and a half and after that, my patience wore thin and I left….the next two days I returned with the same obstacle…..line long as Texas, and I didn’t want to wait…..eventually, I had to take off a half of day from work so I could be seen…I had to get my new social security card…..
Sometimes our impatience allows us to miss our blessings….Monday, a good friend of mine called and I was telling him about my desire to stop making music…his reply?...”stay in line long enough, you will get to the window”……and that is a very true statement....it may not be our at a particular moment so we must wait….we must continue to walk in the faith that eventually, it will be our turn to get our needs and wishes granted…sometimes, I see people get jealous of others receiving blessings, wishing and praying it was them….what we don’t know is how faithful they were doing that process….the adversity they faced during their wait,…and the optimism they maintained knowing it shall be done…..lets not be discouraged by what we don’t see knowing and believing what will be……
This blog is dedicated to myself……my mind is fluctuating right now, moving through all facets of my life…my intent is always good…..but there are days where I am weary….they are times when giving up seems easier….to get out of the line of blessings because I have something else to do…..but I cant do it along….and after it is all said and done all I can do is stand…..and wait patiently….with love and anticipation that the request I have asked for will be granted….my journey cant be over….I have yet to reach my window of prosperity….and for that reason alone, I know that I have great things in store for me……..and remember....He has enough behind his counter for everyone….once he serves one person, he’s not done…you will never be shortchanged from your blessings!!
Not gonna take up too much time……gonna get out of here shortly……just wanted to get in the habit of blogging again…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
EDIBLE WORDS, NO CHICKEN SOUP!!
Guess whose back in the motherlovin house…with a fat blog for your motherlovin mouth!!....lol….what’s good my people….happy new year, merry xmas and all that good stuff…to my new friends, I welcome you…..wow, it has been a minute since I wrote you all....and so much going on…..but I can say, I have been totally blessed since the last time we conversed…..don’t know where to start and of course, I never know where I will end….gonna try not to make this too long so I can get out of work as soon as I am done….
Last we spoke, I was considering retirement from the entertainment industry….it has been a very difficult road that I was not sure I could stay on…my decision is still pending, but only in the realm of making music…..I love what I do within the industry, I just don’t know if making music is one of them….it is so political here in Dallas….my grandfather used to tell me, its not what you know, its who you know...and boy was he right….and to think of all the people I have come across down here, its still like pulling teeth to get them to listen to a song, or read a blog, or just give a person an opportunity…and its not just me….I have other ventures that compensate my need for attention….what about these other artist??....there grind and music may be even better than mine, but since they are not in the friend loop, they get overlooked....and its sad…..so I am thinking about managing….helping others get the exposure they so rightfully deserve….and it may not be in Dallas where that recognition is realized….dreams are bigger that OCT……and that’s not October…..
Well I have my own radio show now….every Sunday from 6-10pm CENTRAL STANDARD TIME, you can check me out on www.spindatmusic.com on the hip hop/r&b station....my show is called Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown…..i’m only three weeks in, but it has been so fun…something I look forward to everyweek….you can go online and listen for yourself…..because of the way I feel about the industry, I am giving artist opportunies ot get there music played on air, maybe come down for an interview, and be a featured guest….that is, if your music is hot…..its exciting to me and I absolutely love it....make sure you check it out……
Got a lot of shows coming up in the next few weeks…..I may be sending out flyers for those coming up so I hope you can come out a few times and check me out….support is definitely needed…..
For a minute there, I was depressed….yes, even Spaceship has his moments….I questioned my reason for doing what I do….like I said, as great as many of you believe I am....and I thank you for it, the love and respect of the Dallas industry was not there…..financial problems, relationship issues, tired of my job…it all bunched in at one moment….you know how older folks say that God wont put more on you than you can bare?.....I learned that I can bare a lot….in my mind, I wanted to break down….but my body and my mind didn’t…..I went to church on New Years Eve….yep, no parties, no chilling at the crib, no “cuddling”……and I am so happy I did….I laid my burdens down….and honestly, I don’t know the last time I did that….we say we believe in God and his powers but how many times have we just said, “you know what God, here. Here are my trials and tribulations and lets see you handle them!”…..and you know what, he did…..I was asked the other day what has been the biggest difference between this year and last year…..and you know what, its my thinking…sometimes we can think ourselves into depression….we can make situations and circumstances so big in our mind that we never worry about the solution….I was too busy giving myself a pity party…and it showed at work, talking to women, with my daughter’s mom, even my music….not much has changed as far as my situations….my thinking has altered though….I am no longer worried about the problem, yet searching for the solution…..instead of holding on to past hurts and suppressions, I have let them go….I have lived with a pride issue….worried that I would looked down upon for changing my beliefs……I can no longer continue to hold on to such things….
2011 will be a great year for everyone if you believe it…..everyone has their own story….and we determine what is written on the pages of our lives….why don’t we deserve a happy ending?...each one of have been the symbol of despair at one point in our life…but if we dot believe that God can do all things, who do we believe can?....so let go and let God…I have and I feel better, I think better, and I act better…..to those I have offended and hurt due to my actions of 2011, I am deeply apologetic…..sometimes I failed to realize the impact I had on one’s life…..my intent is never to hurt; it is of love….my “resolution” is to be better each day and focus only on the positives…..
Well, I am out of here….remember if you need a hot host, MC, performer, speaker, or writer, you know who to call…and follow me on twitter@spaceshipo
Love yall dearly!!
Church!!!
Last we spoke, I was considering retirement from the entertainment industry….it has been a very difficult road that I was not sure I could stay on…my decision is still pending, but only in the realm of making music…..I love what I do within the industry, I just don’t know if making music is one of them….it is so political here in Dallas….my grandfather used to tell me, its not what you know, its who you know...and boy was he right….and to think of all the people I have come across down here, its still like pulling teeth to get them to listen to a song, or read a blog, or just give a person an opportunity…and its not just me….I have other ventures that compensate my need for attention….what about these other artist??....there grind and music may be even better than mine, but since they are not in the friend loop, they get overlooked....and its sad…..so I am thinking about managing….helping others get the exposure they so rightfully deserve….and it may not be in Dallas where that recognition is realized….dreams are bigger that OCT……and that’s not October…..
Well I have my own radio show now….every Sunday from 6-10pm CENTRAL STANDARD TIME, you can check me out on www.spindatmusic.com on the hip hop/r&b station....my show is called Spaceship’s Incredible Sunday Showdown…..i’m only three weeks in, but it has been so fun…something I look forward to everyweek….you can go online and listen for yourself…..because of the way I feel about the industry, I am giving artist opportunies ot get there music played on air, maybe come down for an interview, and be a featured guest….that is, if your music is hot…..its exciting to me and I absolutely love it....make sure you check it out……
Got a lot of shows coming up in the next few weeks…..I may be sending out flyers for those coming up so I hope you can come out a few times and check me out….support is definitely needed…..
For a minute there, I was depressed….yes, even Spaceship has his moments….I questioned my reason for doing what I do….like I said, as great as many of you believe I am....and I thank you for it, the love and respect of the Dallas industry was not there…..financial problems, relationship issues, tired of my job…it all bunched in at one moment….you know how older folks say that God wont put more on you than you can bare?.....I learned that I can bare a lot….in my mind, I wanted to break down….but my body and my mind didn’t…..I went to church on New Years Eve….yep, no parties, no chilling at the crib, no “cuddling”……and I am so happy I did….I laid my burdens down….and honestly, I don’t know the last time I did that….we say we believe in God and his powers but how many times have we just said, “you know what God, here. Here are my trials and tribulations and lets see you handle them!”…..and you know what, he did…..I was asked the other day what has been the biggest difference between this year and last year…..and you know what, its my thinking…sometimes we can think ourselves into depression….we can make situations and circumstances so big in our mind that we never worry about the solution….I was too busy giving myself a pity party…and it showed at work, talking to women, with my daughter’s mom, even my music….not much has changed as far as my situations….my thinking has altered though….I am no longer worried about the problem, yet searching for the solution…..instead of holding on to past hurts and suppressions, I have let them go….I have lived with a pride issue….worried that I would looked down upon for changing my beliefs……I can no longer continue to hold on to such things….
2011 will be a great year for everyone if you believe it…..everyone has their own story….and we determine what is written on the pages of our lives….why don’t we deserve a happy ending?...each one of have been the symbol of despair at one point in our life…but if we dot believe that God can do all things, who do we believe can?....so let go and let God…I have and I feel better, I think better, and I act better…..to those I have offended and hurt due to my actions of 2011, I am deeply apologetic…..sometimes I failed to realize the impact I had on one’s life…..my intent is never to hurt; it is of love….my “resolution” is to be better each day and focus only on the positives…..
Well, I am out of here….remember if you need a hot host, MC, performer, speaker, or writer, you know who to call…and follow me on twitter@spaceshipo
Love yall dearly!!
Church!!!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
MY NEW YEAR REVELATION!!!
Tis the season!!.....hola folks…I hope that this holiday has brought you all much cheer……2011 is quickly approaching and while many have resolutions that they hope not to break within the first week, I’m going to simply work on making each day of my life better than the last…..Christmas was Christmas of course, and now its time to look forward to another calendar year of life…..I will make an honest attempt next year, to get back on these blogs like I used to…its hard when your life is so boring now….but I do miss you guys….and when I do blog, I usually get such great feedback!!........
***BREAKING NEWS!!!!*** JUST GOT A CALL CONFIRMING HOSTING AND PERFORMING AT A CONCERT FOR SUPER BOWL!!!......GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME!!.......
Hopefully, I can get the band to play if applicable……this is very exciting news to me….I pray everything goes well in this endeavor and a lot of you can come out and see me rock the show…..more details to come!!........
Its crazy how I sit here so many days contemplating retirement……even at the young age of 30, God has blessed me to do so many things…..some successful, while others were learning experiences…..I have tried hard to hold on to the fact that I am touching someone’s life and the things I do are not in vain……there are days when my conviction is weak…..times when I feel the fight is doing more harm than good on my spiritual, emotional, and professional journeys…then there is that subtle reality check……..
Today is Mr. John Rhymes’ birthday…..this is the man that I owe my life to….as a mentor, he was the first adult I can remember that loved me in spite of……even when I was constantly getting kicked out of school, he didn’t scold me like most…..but don’t take that as soft….he just forced me to think about more than the streets…..and I have never been as defiant as more young men in the hood…my grandmother, regardless of our relationship, did not allow me to buck up against her or call her out her name…….I simply left home thinking I could make it by myself…..well, I always had Mr. Rhymes in my corner……
I called him today to wish him happy birthday…I haven’t talked to him in a year and after about the 2nd month of no communication, I felt so guilty, I still didn’t call for fear of hearing disappointment in his voice…yet, when I heard from him today, he sounded excited like it was him that owed me something…all the trepidation was instantly gone…..we talked about what he has been up to and lately, he told me, he has been substituting at an alternative school…now, Mr. Rhymes is retired….he worked for the school system in Flint for a long time…..things happen and he ended up in a classroom…..the point of it all is, the kids and teachers appreciate him…..for everything he has done, he is still touching lives…..his glass half full mentality is infectious even 13 years later after I graduated high school…..and you could hear how humble he was in his voice……..
I don’t know how much longer I have in this industry…..as I mentioned, there are a lot of times that I feel its time to stop…..become regular……in these past few months where shows and opportunities have lessened, I have enjoyed it……but I have gotten really lazy and lax…I still go out, network, make music, and things of that sort…but not like I used to…..and not being a blessing to people bothers me…..its very hard for me to be unimportant…..I strive on making change….I want to make changes in the world……I pride myself on being the best person I can for as many people as I can….and when I am neutral, I have a hermit mentality…I realized, that until that final date, I will do my best to be my best…..
This is my resolution, of sorts…….to never stop being a blessing…to never get too weary to help others….to let my selfishness and bitterness die and the presence of the Lord shine in all my endeavors…..I will not stop, I can not stop….at this moment in my life I feel like a car getting a new engine….no, the old one was not completely dead, but before that happens, my mechanic will place a new engine inside me…..if he does not complete the work, the car cant move…..it has absolutely no value….so I have to get fixed so that I can run smoother…..and help people travel from one place in their lives to the next….after all, I am Spaceship Ohayses!!.......
Well I’m going to get out of here…once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. RHYMES….I love you and I thank you for all that you have done for me….I know without you in my life, I would not be where I am……God Bless you my friend…..
Church!!!
***BREAKING NEWS!!!!*** JUST GOT A CALL CONFIRMING HOSTING AND PERFORMING AT A CONCERT FOR SUPER BOWL!!!......GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME!!.......
Hopefully, I can get the band to play if applicable……this is very exciting news to me….I pray everything goes well in this endeavor and a lot of you can come out and see me rock the show…..more details to come!!........
Its crazy how I sit here so many days contemplating retirement……even at the young age of 30, God has blessed me to do so many things…..some successful, while others were learning experiences…..I have tried hard to hold on to the fact that I am touching someone’s life and the things I do are not in vain……there are days when my conviction is weak…..times when I feel the fight is doing more harm than good on my spiritual, emotional, and professional journeys…then there is that subtle reality check……..
Today is Mr. John Rhymes’ birthday…..this is the man that I owe my life to….as a mentor, he was the first adult I can remember that loved me in spite of……even when I was constantly getting kicked out of school, he didn’t scold me like most…..but don’t take that as soft….he just forced me to think about more than the streets…..and I have never been as defiant as more young men in the hood…my grandmother, regardless of our relationship, did not allow me to buck up against her or call her out her name…….I simply left home thinking I could make it by myself…..well, I always had Mr. Rhymes in my corner……
I called him today to wish him happy birthday…I haven’t talked to him in a year and after about the 2nd month of no communication, I felt so guilty, I still didn’t call for fear of hearing disappointment in his voice…yet, when I heard from him today, he sounded excited like it was him that owed me something…all the trepidation was instantly gone…..we talked about what he has been up to and lately, he told me, he has been substituting at an alternative school…now, Mr. Rhymes is retired….he worked for the school system in Flint for a long time…..things happen and he ended up in a classroom…..the point of it all is, the kids and teachers appreciate him…..for everything he has done, he is still touching lives…..his glass half full mentality is infectious even 13 years later after I graduated high school…..and you could hear how humble he was in his voice……..
I don’t know how much longer I have in this industry…..as I mentioned, there are a lot of times that I feel its time to stop…..become regular……in these past few months where shows and opportunities have lessened, I have enjoyed it……but I have gotten really lazy and lax…I still go out, network, make music, and things of that sort…but not like I used to…..and not being a blessing to people bothers me…..its very hard for me to be unimportant…..I strive on making change….I want to make changes in the world……I pride myself on being the best person I can for as many people as I can….and when I am neutral, I have a hermit mentality…I realized, that until that final date, I will do my best to be my best…..
This is my resolution, of sorts…….to never stop being a blessing…to never get too weary to help others….to let my selfishness and bitterness die and the presence of the Lord shine in all my endeavors…..I will not stop, I can not stop….at this moment in my life I feel like a car getting a new engine….no, the old one was not completely dead, but before that happens, my mechanic will place a new engine inside me…..if he does not complete the work, the car cant move…..it has absolutely no value….so I have to get fixed so that I can run smoother…..and help people travel from one place in their lives to the next….after all, I am Spaceship Ohayses!!.......
Well I’m going to get out of here…once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. RHYMES….I love you and I thank you for all that you have done for me….I know without you in my life, I would not be where I am……God Bless you my friend…..
Church!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
SAM'S CLUB PORTION OF FATE.....
Its 11:29…..I got me a mocha frappe in my hand…and I decided to write…..how are you all doing?.....I am good…very good right now……to those that are reading for the first time, welcome….to those that have rode with me on this journey for nearly two years, hello……..realistically, I don’t have a clue what to talk about tonight……but I will shortly…..motivation to the left of me……I guess the sole purpose of this blog is to let you all know I am alright…..God has been good to me….and I am anticipating great things in 2011……..dang, 11 years after the world was gonna end?!..........that’s a long time……
Just performed at Kwanzaa Fest this past Saturday…..it was one of the larger crowds, I have had the privilege of performing in front of…..I enjoyed every minute of it…..in my mind, it was a big time venue…..it was a chance to meet new people, interact with local favorites and legends, and get some exposure on a bigger Dallas level…..it helped me to realize that maybe I’m not done yet…..maybe I can get the consumers to respect and want my music…..performances have been so sporadic the past six months, it has been very hard to gauge my audience……but I’m working on it…….
Got a show Christmas Eve……I know that’s a busy time for a lot of people…but if you get the chance, come on out…..it’s at TI Blvd……very special guest will be in the building….I will be hosting as well as performing…..its only 5 bucks…..I think…I will get you details in the upcoming days……
I have finally decided that Act A Fool will be my first single from the album…..I know what you thinking….the album has been out over a year and you just decided on your lead single…..yep…..those are the breaks when It comes to music…..on a tangent, I have learned so much about the business side of this game in the last year, while possibly performing the least in over 3 years……you truly got to have your ducks in a row…..its hard releasing an album when you don’t have one precise song that people can identify you with……yeah, some folks know some songs….I need to get as many people as possible to know this one song……so, this is what we are doing…..
IF YOU ARE READING THIS...NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE….CITY, STATE, COUNTRY……YOU CAN TEXT SPACESHIP OHAYSES “ACT A FOOL” TO 51045 and 3145….it will take you less than a minute to do…..and if you want to hear the song, google me…or go to www.reverbnation.com/spaceshipohayses ....as a matter in fact, I encourage you to…..
I think that is part of the issue I fight within my spirit……not knowing if you know….it’s crazy how we support the things we want….and the truth is, without fans, I am nothing….but have u taken the time to check out the music….seriously?.....we listen to Short Bus Shorty….and Antoine Dodson…..and anything else deemed hilarious…..I, on the other hand, can’t get people I personally know to simply check something out and tell others…..not getting into a pity party here either…its facts….some days I wonder if I am just conjuring up my greatness in music…..and then I have people tell me how they like my music…..but who do they tell…the buck stops with them….I have been at clubs where people come up to me and want a particular song played…..are there people out there asking the DJ does he have Spaceship Ohayses??....am I simply taken for granted because I am not a big name now?.....how many times has my CD been played in people’s vehicles, homes, events?......this is the realistic stance I have to take concerning my artistry……
I have contemplated retiring on many occasions…sometimes, it’s just not worth it……there are plenty days where the risk outweighs the reward simply because I look at what is…..my grandfather taught me never to be a beggar, but am I doing enough?......am I convincing enough to have you take a chance on me?......or am I fighting a fight I can’t win?......is the truth, that I am not as great as I think or has my time passed me by?......I can only make so many sacrifices for my daughter until I realize I have nothing left to give to this industry…….
I look at some of the relationships I have made over this time frame and while some people say they want to be within my circle….in whatever facet…how can I accept that statement knowing you only want to be friends with the man behind Spaceship Ohayses……it’s a package deal here folks…..and no matter who you are, why would u associate yourself with people who don’t support your dream?....I have enough facebook friends..probably too many…..had enough females that just wanted to cut….here, buy a ringtone or something……it baffles me how some just wanna lay and wait to see if I will sink or swim….you mean to tell me you know me but don’t even know a title of one of my songs?...that’s impossible to fathom simply because everyone knows this is my life……
I do think about how many people will come around when God does bless me…….I pray my attitude changes by then….
I think about my mom and other members of my family that will finally forgive me for past sins…..
And to the ladies that didn’t believe in me……or didn’t want to because Lil Wayne is their favorite rapper…….
Sorry folks……some people can tell you that they don’t care what others think about them…but as an entertainer, I do……if you don’t like my brand of entertainment, what am I doing it for?......if you don’t feel the urge to use the simplest for of advertisement; word of mouth, what does that really say about your position on my craft……every ball player doesn’t make it to the NBA….and some of them have been pretty good…..so sooner or later, I may have to accept my fate……I won’t feel defeated…I have tried my hardest to bring to you something good….something different…..something timeless……and all I can do is try…..I have experienced great things along my journey in music……and loved every minute of it…….but the facts remain….if no one is asking for my music, why should a DJ play it?.......if no one is trying to buy it, why should anyone sell it?.......and if no one is listening to it, why should I record it?.........
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
Just performed at Kwanzaa Fest this past Saturday…..it was one of the larger crowds, I have had the privilege of performing in front of…..I enjoyed every minute of it…..in my mind, it was a big time venue…..it was a chance to meet new people, interact with local favorites and legends, and get some exposure on a bigger Dallas level…..it helped me to realize that maybe I’m not done yet…..maybe I can get the consumers to respect and want my music…..performances have been so sporadic the past six months, it has been very hard to gauge my audience……but I’m working on it…….
Got a show Christmas Eve……I know that’s a busy time for a lot of people…but if you get the chance, come on out…..it’s at TI Blvd……very special guest will be in the building….I will be hosting as well as performing…..its only 5 bucks…..I think…I will get you details in the upcoming days……
I have finally decided that Act A Fool will be my first single from the album…..I know what you thinking….the album has been out over a year and you just decided on your lead single…..yep…..those are the breaks when It comes to music…..on a tangent, I have learned so much about the business side of this game in the last year, while possibly performing the least in over 3 years……you truly got to have your ducks in a row…..its hard releasing an album when you don’t have one precise song that people can identify you with……yeah, some folks know some songs….I need to get as many people as possible to know this one song……so, this is what we are doing…..
IF YOU ARE READING THIS...NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE….CITY, STATE, COUNTRY……YOU CAN TEXT SPACESHIP OHAYSES “ACT A FOOL” TO 51045 and 3145….it will take you less than a minute to do…..and if you want to hear the song, google me…or go to www.reverbnation.com/spaceshipohayses ....as a matter in fact, I encourage you to…..
I think that is part of the issue I fight within my spirit……not knowing if you know….it’s crazy how we support the things we want….and the truth is, without fans, I am nothing….but have u taken the time to check out the music….seriously?.....we listen to Short Bus Shorty….and Antoine Dodson…..and anything else deemed hilarious…..I, on the other hand, can’t get people I personally know to simply check something out and tell others…..not getting into a pity party here either…its facts….some days I wonder if I am just conjuring up my greatness in music…..and then I have people tell me how they like my music…..but who do they tell…the buck stops with them….I have been at clubs where people come up to me and want a particular song played…..are there people out there asking the DJ does he have Spaceship Ohayses??....am I simply taken for granted because I am not a big name now?.....how many times has my CD been played in people’s vehicles, homes, events?......this is the realistic stance I have to take concerning my artistry……
I have contemplated retiring on many occasions…sometimes, it’s just not worth it……there are plenty days where the risk outweighs the reward simply because I look at what is…..my grandfather taught me never to be a beggar, but am I doing enough?......am I convincing enough to have you take a chance on me?......or am I fighting a fight I can’t win?......is the truth, that I am not as great as I think or has my time passed me by?......I can only make so many sacrifices for my daughter until I realize I have nothing left to give to this industry…….
I look at some of the relationships I have made over this time frame and while some people say they want to be within my circle….in whatever facet…how can I accept that statement knowing you only want to be friends with the man behind Spaceship Ohayses……it’s a package deal here folks…..and no matter who you are, why would u associate yourself with people who don’t support your dream?....I have enough facebook friends..probably too many…..had enough females that just wanted to cut….here, buy a ringtone or something……it baffles me how some just wanna lay and wait to see if I will sink or swim….you mean to tell me you know me but don’t even know a title of one of my songs?...that’s impossible to fathom simply because everyone knows this is my life……
I do think about how many people will come around when God does bless me…….I pray my attitude changes by then….
I think about my mom and other members of my family that will finally forgive me for past sins…..
And to the ladies that didn’t believe in me……or didn’t want to because Lil Wayne is their favorite rapper…….
Sorry folks……some people can tell you that they don’t care what others think about them…but as an entertainer, I do……if you don’t like my brand of entertainment, what am I doing it for?......if you don’t feel the urge to use the simplest for of advertisement; word of mouth, what does that really say about your position on my craft……every ball player doesn’t make it to the NBA….and some of them have been pretty good…..so sooner or later, I may have to accept my fate……I won’t feel defeated…I have tried my hardest to bring to you something good….something different…..something timeless……and all I can do is try…..I have experienced great things along my journey in music……and loved every minute of it…….but the facts remain….if no one is asking for my music, why should a DJ play it?.......if no one is trying to buy it, why should anyone sell it?.......and if no one is listening to it, why should I record it?.........
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE.....
Well, today is the day…..December 6, 2010 marks the one year anniversary of the passing of my grandmother…..today, as I look back on the past year, I wonder if she is looking down smiling on me……and I wonder if she is proud of her grandson…..throughout my life, I have been nothing less than a hard wall, distancing myself from anyone who truly cares and try to get close…actually, anything…..my feelings and emotions included….I always justify feelings as distractions from truth…..sometimes we don’t want the truth; we want comfort…..and to those that know me, understand me…and those that don’t or are attempting to get to know me, I may seem too straight forward…too blunt….to nonchalant…..an too emotionless…..I realized today that, while trying to be a defender of truth and such an honest guy, I have completely been lying to myself……I have no earthly idea who I am or what I want anymore……and for this truth, I am deeply saddened………
As much as I don’t converse about relationships, I do want to be loved……and then I tell myself that maybe…just maybe….I don’t know how to accept love……the problem is not me loving…..the wall that I have is not designed to get me in…..its purpose is to keep others out……and throughout my life, I have experienced reasons for this happening…..the great thing about my grandmother during the final years of her life, was that she finally accepted me for who I was……some people might think that is not a big deal but in my life….in my family, I was never accepted by those my senior……I was always the boy, people were waiting to fuck up so that they could say “we told you so”……I have been gone from home since 1998……rarely coming back……they were no college updates, no “how are you doing”, “what are you doing”, or “we are proud of you”……not even when I got married was my family excited……it was more trepidation of how long will it last……that played a major factor in trying to make it work for me……but shortly after my grandfather passed away, my grandmother and I began to mend our relationship…..(now let me say this: the reason our relationship was scarred was two fold…..more conscious harm was done on my part…I was the cause for a lot of this and my backlash probably made it impossible for my grandmother to do these things earlier…..as kids, sometimes, we always think we are right…I was no exception)…we would converse more frequently…laugh during our talks…..and she would ask questions about my life, Jayla, my music…even asked when I was coming home to visit!!.......it put a smile on my face that I could call my grandmother and she would sound like she missed me…….it really made me push to be a better man…….
And then last year….when she passed, I felt a piece of me stopped…..its like a robot not being completed before the mad scientist dies…..I was close….and now it seems that void has come back….harder….stronger…and taller……there are many days and nights, I just long for her advice…..whether I want to hear it or not……days when I just needed her laugh….to know she was okay……its so cliché to say she’s in a better place….but selfishly looking, am I?.......I was never the type to give empathetic words or try to put myself in other shoes…..and im glad…it kills me how some people think its gonna be okay….and how I just have to cope…..duh!! do I really have a choice…..and even with that statement, I do appreciate the care and also see my wall…..I haven’t coped….don’t know if I have truly dealt with it…….life without her is so different…..it used to be easy not to talk to family members because I knew if I talk to my granny, everyone would know how I am doing……now, I wonder sometimes if my family even knows if I am alive…….
I was just learning how to love…and I was learning how to let love……now I find myself losing in this category once more….that word, love….is thrown around so much but the definition and actions of that 4 letter word is so powerful….when you tell someone you love them, you should mean it……not conditional…not half way….and the definition of your love should be confirmed……nowadays, love is a confusing state of being for me…..what should I love and who should I love…..if love is something that you have never been around, how can you identify it……how do you justify it……and how do react if it leaves……I know there are people that love me…..but why?.....and why should I trust it?.......I have been left in the cold more than I would like so why should I open my heart….why should I believe the word love even exist except in relation to God……his is the only love that unconditional…
each day that passes, I miss you more grandma…..each day that passes, you are appreciated more for you effort to love me….and for the comfort I felt in loving you and allowing you do your job as a parent….it was harder than you can imagine….or maybe not….I pray to see your face again….I know you and granddad up in heaven chillin, probably playing pokeno watching Benny Hinn, laughing at the good times…..and for that I am grateful……..I do indeed love you…..and I am sorry I didn’t learn how to love you sooner……
But you know what they say…in order to love someone, you have to love yourself first……and the first order of loving yourself is confession……..so, here it is…..
To be continued……….
As much as I don’t converse about relationships, I do want to be loved……and then I tell myself that maybe…just maybe….I don’t know how to accept love……the problem is not me loving…..the wall that I have is not designed to get me in…..its purpose is to keep others out……and throughout my life, I have experienced reasons for this happening…..the great thing about my grandmother during the final years of her life, was that she finally accepted me for who I was……some people might think that is not a big deal but in my life….in my family, I was never accepted by those my senior……I was always the boy, people were waiting to fuck up so that they could say “we told you so”……I have been gone from home since 1998……rarely coming back……they were no college updates, no “how are you doing”, “what are you doing”, or “we are proud of you”……not even when I got married was my family excited……it was more trepidation of how long will it last……that played a major factor in trying to make it work for me……but shortly after my grandfather passed away, my grandmother and I began to mend our relationship…..(now let me say this: the reason our relationship was scarred was two fold…..more conscious harm was done on my part…I was the cause for a lot of this and my backlash probably made it impossible for my grandmother to do these things earlier…..as kids, sometimes, we always think we are right…I was no exception)…we would converse more frequently…laugh during our talks…..and she would ask questions about my life, Jayla, my music…even asked when I was coming home to visit!!.......it put a smile on my face that I could call my grandmother and she would sound like she missed me…….it really made me push to be a better man…….
And then last year….when she passed, I felt a piece of me stopped…..its like a robot not being completed before the mad scientist dies…..I was close….and now it seems that void has come back….harder….stronger…and taller……there are many days and nights, I just long for her advice…..whether I want to hear it or not……days when I just needed her laugh….to know she was okay……its so cliché to say she’s in a better place….but selfishly looking, am I?.......I was never the type to give empathetic words or try to put myself in other shoes…..and im glad…it kills me how some people think its gonna be okay….and how I just have to cope…..duh!! do I really have a choice…..and even with that statement, I do appreciate the care and also see my wall…..I haven’t coped….don’t know if I have truly dealt with it…….life without her is so different…..it used to be easy not to talk to family members because I knew if I talk to my granny, everyone would know how I am doing……now, I wonder sometimes if my family even knows if I am alive…….
I was just learning how to love…and I was learning how to let love……now I find myself losing in this category once more….that word, love….is thrown around so much but the definition and actions of that 4 letter word is so powerful….when you tell someone you love them, you should mean it……not conditional…not half way….and the definition of your love should be confirmed……nowadays, love is a confusing state of being for me…..what should I love and who should I love…..if love is something that you have never been around, how can you identify it……how do you justify it……and how do react if it leaves……I know there are people that love me…..but why?.....and why should I trust it?.......I have been left in the cold more than I would like so why should I open my heart….why should I believe the word love even exist except in relation to God……his is the only love that unconditional…
each day that passes, I miss you more grandma…..each day that passes, you are appreciated more for you effort to love me….and for the comfort I felt in loving you and allowing you do your job as a parent….it was harder than you can imagine….or maybe not….I pray to see your face again….I know you and granddad up in heaven chillin, probably playing pokeno watching Benny Hinn, laughing at the good times…..and for that I am grateful……..I do indeed love you…..and I am sorry I didn’t learn how to love you sooner……
But you know what they say…in order to love someone, you have to love yourself first……and the first order of loving yourself is confession……..so, here it is…..
To be continued……….
Friday, November 26, 2010
THANK YOU.......
November 27, 2010
To whom it may concern:
Yeah, you knew I was going to right this…..even if you say you not going to read it, I know you will……you can’t help it…..you love drama….you love the animosity…..you love the attention….and since you do, I am going to give it to you…..this may be the hardest letter I ever had to write……and also the one I wanted to write the most….but I need to get this out….if you ever read any of my blogs, you know how much I have struggled with my inner self…..trying to find the balance between good and evil….trying to understand the answers to all the questions I have in my soul……I want to be a better man…….the funny thing is, you don’t know me……you can say you do, but you really have no clue who I am…..and you have truly never tried…..you like living on rumors and assumptions……you’re the epitome of a mirror……you only look at the world as if it revolves around you……so since you want everything to be about you, here goes…….
You are a self-centered and shallow individual……disrespectful, disobedient, distasteful, and disgusting human being…..you are the exact opposite of what God wants us to be……to some people in your life you have a title…..parent, sibling, child, cousin, and spouse…but besides that, they would wish you out of their lives…..you don’t know how much it sickens me to say this…because I love you….I do give you a title and it is by force; not by choice….I have attempted, because of this, to give you the benefit of the doubt….it’s simply not working…..in the eyes of someone outside that bubble of ties, you are a horrible role model……..I think it’s telling that you keep few friends and even fewer relatives in your circle……you have high turnover ratio for a reason……as hard as I try to say this is wrong to be doing, I recognize that you don’t stopped your pit party to listen to anyone else……so this must be done……..
Maybe I am being partial, but I have never seen a worse parent……its hard for me to act grateful for something I had no control over…..sure, abortion is prevalent, but will you forever remind your kids of this fact?.......I sit back and wonder how a person can live with their parent, take care of their parent, and have to listen to their constant nagging and complaining…..and lets be real…its not like you did a lot for your kids when they were growing up……remember you missed your son’s graduation getting dressed?........I didn’t see you at any of your daughter’s functions……any birthday parties?....how about cards?........just for the record, what did you do?......and its not like your kids don’t love you….they just tired of feeling indebted to you…….
You parents died and somehow you made the funeral about you……made me laugh hearing the young folks betting on how long it would take you to cry….truth be told, most your drama probably drove them to a quicker death…..they were healthier when you wasn’t around……and always talking about how bad they did you…are you freaking kidding me??!!!.....they couldn’t do you anyway, your sheisty ass getting them to sign papers they have no clue what they are signing……bills in everybody name…….even had the gall to say your father wasn’t your father AFTER he dead……. Please, let them rest in peace…..you know how we get quiet when you talk?....its not out of respect……everyone know you lying…….its like you are ashamed of yourself…..but in the process, you push everyone away………
The sad part is you don’t see that….you so busy playing the victim that you don’t realize you have a family that loves you……we don’t want you not to be a part of our lives……we just don’t wanna be blamed for your transgressions…..we are all grown and respect is given when respect is earned……be honest with us……act like you are human and you make mistakes……stop with the pride and haughtiness….I prayed God was showing you something during your last tribulation….and maybe he has….but the display you put on today was the final straw for me……funny thing about it, I’m not mad at ya; more hurt than anything……
Some things you just don’t say………there is a fine line for anyone and I don’t believe that once you say certain things, you can go back……because if I had any respect to mankind, I would not say those things…..I am not unmindful that many people will be reading this so I intentionally kept gender, names , and any other reference out of this letter……there are a lot more things we could discuss in this as well and you know it…..you have been a horrible person in my life and I promise I tried….regardless of what you think…..my reason for this is because I honestly don’t believe you have ever allowed someone to tell you about yourself…and that is something we all need…….back to my thought…….you said some things today that you will never be able to take back….and you didn’t say some things that I will always remember……and you cut me deep…..now my soul is fucked up……
I promise I want to hate you right now……when I first read your letter, I wanted to say some things….and I almost put them in here…..ugh!!!........anyway…….you said goodbye forever…and I know even life in prison is only 20 years……or it was….so I do expect you to come back in my life sooner rather than later…..but I will let you have your moment….I will allow you to do the things you said and never speak to me again…..too bad you can’t control that…..
So I guess I can say, I’m kinda thankful today you are out of my life…..you were a drug…..and now I can flush my system and move on….you are actually helping my process in becoming a better person….I don’t feel bad…and I don’t have any regrets…I tried very hard to love you……it sucks you just don’t see it…..
Until We Meet Again,
Spaceship Ohayses
To whom it may concern:
Yeah, you knew I was going to right this…..even if you say you not going to read it, I know you will……you can’t help it…..you love drama….you love the animosity…..you love the attention….and since you do, I am going to give it to you…..this may be the hardest letter I ever had to write……and also the one I wanted to write the most….but I need to get this out….if you ever read any of my blogs, you know how much I have struggled with my inner self…..trying to find the balance between good and evil….trying to understand the answers to all the questions I have in my soul……I want to be a better man…….the funny thing is, you don’t know me……you can say you do, but you really have no clue who I am…..and you have truly never tried…..you like living on rumors and assumptions……you’re the epitome of a mirror……you only look at the world as if it revolves around you……so since you want everything to be about you, here goes…….
You are a self-centered and shallow individual……disrespectful, disobedient, distasteful, and disgusting human being…..you are the exact opposite of what God wants us to be……to some people in your life you have a title…..parent, sibling, child, cousin, and spouse…but besides that, they would wish you out of their lives…..you don’t know how much it sickens me to say this…because I love you….I do give you a title and it is by force; not by choice….I have attempted, because of this, to give you the benefit of the doubt….it’s simply not working…..in the eyes of someone outside that bubble of ties, you are a horrible role model……..I think it’s telling that you keep few friends and even fewer relatives in your circle……you have high turnover ratio for a reason……as hard as I try to say this is wrong to be doing, I recognize that you don’t stopped your pit party to listen to anyone else……so this must be done……..
Maybe I am being partial, but I have never seen a worse parent……its hard for me to act grateful for something I had no control over…..sure, abortion is prevalent, but will you forever remind your kids of this fact?.......I sit back and wonder how a person can live with their parent, take care of their parent, and have to listen to their constant nagging and complaining…..and lets be real…its not like you did a lot for your kids when they were growing up……remember you missed your son’s graduation getting dressed?........I didn’t see you at any of your daughter’s functions……any birthday parties?....how about cards?........just for the record, what did you do?......and its not like your kids don’t love you….they just tired of feeling indebted to you…….
You parents died and somehow you made the funeral about you……made me laugh hearing the young folks betting on how long it would take you to cry….truth be told, most your drama probably drove them to a quicker death…..they were healthier when you wasn’t around……and always talking about how bad they did you…are you freaking kidding me??!!!.....they couldn’t do you anyway, your sheisty ass getting them to sign papers they have no clue what they are signing……bills in everybody name…….even had the gall to say your father wasn’t your father AFTER he dead……. Please, let them rest in peace…..you know how we get quiet when you talk?....its not out of respect……everyone know you lying…….its like you are ashamed of yourself…..but in the process, you push everyone away………
The sad part is you don’t see that….you so busy playing the victim that you don’t realize you have a family that loves you……we don’t want you not to be a part of our lives……we just don’t wanna be blamed for your transgressions…..we are all grown and respect is given when respect is earned……be honest with us……act like you are human and you make mistakes……stop with the pride and haughtiness….I prayed God was showing you something during your last tribulation….and maybe he has….but the display you put on today was the final straw for me……funny thing about it, I’m not mad at ya; more hurt than anything……
Some things you just don’t say………there is a fine line for anyone and I don’t believe that once you say certain things, you can go back……because if I had any respect to mankind, I would not say those things…..I am not unmindful that many people will be reading this so I intentionally kept gender, names , and any other reference out of this letter……there are a lot more things we could discuss in this as well and you know it…..you have been a horrible person in my life and I promise I tried….regardless of what you think…..my reason for this is because I honestly don’t believe you have ever allowed someone to tell you about yourself…and that is something we all need…….back to my thought…….you said some things today that you will never be able to take back….and you didn’t say some things that I will always remember……and you cut me deep…..now my soul is fucked up……
I promise I want to hate you right now……when I first read your letter, I wanted to say some things….and I almost put them in here…..ugh!!!........anyway…….you said goodbye forever…and I know even life in prison is only 20 years……or it was….so I do expect you to come back in my life sooner rather than later…..but I will let you have your moment….I will allow you to do the things you said and never speak to me again…..too bad you can’t control that…..
So I guess I can say, I’m kinda thankful today you are out of my life…..you were a drug…..and now I can flush my system and move on….you are actually helping my process in becoming a better person….I don’t feel bad…and I don’t have any regrets…I tried very hard to love you……it sucks you just don’t see it…..
Until We Meet Again,
Spaceship Ohayses
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
SHOOTING CRAPS WITH MONOPOLY DICE
Well look at here…..good afternoon to all my favorite Martians….I hope that you all are well and having an enjoyable week so far…..this is Wise Words of Spaceship and I am your conductor for the evening……lot of things to talk about…..not a lot of time to talk about them…..I will do my best to compete this journey in a timely and efficient matter…sit back…drink all you want now, because if you laugh and spit something on a co-worker, do not blame me!!......and enjoy another edition of Wise Words of Spaceship……
Before I continue, I must embark on something……its hard censoring myself……and being an entertainer, I am learning that there are some things I can and cant say….there are a lot of people that I am now finding out are upset with me over things I may have put in my blog or used as a title……to them, I say with all my heart….YO BAD!!!......I don’t take shots at anyone…sometimes, I may over think things or used things to create something else, but damn!!....stop being so sensitive….and its funny because I rarely use names…….but it still ends up hitting nerves of people……at the end of the day, these same people have tried to defame my name or make me look like the bad guy to people that don’t understand the story…..my grandmother told me time heals all wounds….and now, my wound is healed and I am looking forward to working harder to be the best entertainer I could possibly be…….
I want to talk about Cheerio……lol…..now, on Saturday, Derek Daider had a show in San Antonio in which he gave me the privilege to accompany him….a few more people went with us as well…..as we are sitting in the club, this guy comes by and puts a box of Honey Nut Cheerios by our table…..not going to go into all the details of the night, but needless to say, I remember him…….WE ALL remember him……and whether he was a great performer or he sucked, we have taken his name and presence and brought it to Dallas……it was the absolute funniest thing I have seen from an artist….and also memorable…..I say this because to some, I will be taking shots at him….I commend the artist known as Cheerio simply for embracing his gimmick and doing what an artist is supposed to do…..market himself……I love it…that is a name I will never forget…..it definitely made me wanna step my game up…..maybe I should walk around with a box of crunch berries….
Been doing a lot of soul searching lately…..it seems that I may possibly be going through a mid life crisis…..I will try to contain myself and make this not a sob story….definitely don’t want you to think I need sympathy or anything…..I see myself fluctuating emotions constantly…..you know this is probably the worst time of the year for me…I’m not really a holiday person, plus with the deaths of my grandparents, I’m typically in a very somber mood…..and this year, is no different……..but I am trying…..trying very hard to continue to work through the pain……trying to stay as positive through all the adversity…..trying to grow into the destiny…….and I am starting to see that as I am able to be more positive by not keeping an idle mind……and I have change my emotional diet…..the people I hang around….the people that I choose to feed off of……sometimes we take for granted the importance of a smile and happiness…..everyone is not in your life for cultivation…….and as I grow older and obtain the wisdom that God has in store for me, I am learning that…….
It has taken me about 5 hours to write this and I bet it has gone all over the place with my ideas…..I typically don’t read these back as I let my thought be as they are and appreciate them for what they are…..I want to thank everyone that still looks forward to my readings….I would love it if you could go to www.spaceshipohayses.blogspot.com and just give me a few hits…..it may take a lot of energy for you to do this but numbers are what matters most in society…..also, I just found out I will be performing at Kwanzaa Fest this year!!.....this is a very exciting time for me and something that I have looked forward to doing for a while…maybe this is the breakthrough I need….I am planning on fasting soon, so if you don’t hear from me, know that I am okay and moving into something bigger than even myself…….
I love yall…I really do…..I wished I wrote more like I used to, but life of course has its twist and turns that can not be controlled at times…..
Pray for my homie Veronica yall……she had surgery today and even if you may not know her, you may know someone that needs the prayers she needs right now….and the more prayer, the bigger the blessing…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Before I continue, I must embark on something……its hard censoring myself……and being an entertainer, I am learning that there are some things I can and cant say….there are a lot of people that I am now finding out are upset with me over things I may have put in my blog or used as a title……to them, I say with all my heart….YO BAD!!!......I don’t take shots at anyone…sometimes, I may over think things or used things to create something else, but damn!!....stop being so sensitive….and its funny because I rarely use names…….but it still ends up hitting nerves of people……at the end of the day, these same people have tried to defame my name or make me look like the bad guy to people that don’t understand the story…..my grandmother told me time heals all wounds….and now, my wound is healed and I am looking forward to working harder to be the best entertainer I could possibly be…….
I want to talk about Cheerio……lol…..now, on Saturday, Derek Daider had a show in San Antonio in which he gave me the privilege to accompany him….a few more people went with us as well…..as we are sitting in the club, this guy comes by and puts a box of Honey Nut Cheerios by our table…..not going to go into all the details of the night, but needless to say, I remember him…….WE ALL remember him……and whether he was a great performer or he sucked, we have taken his name and presence and brought it to Dallas……it was the absolute funniest thing I have seen from an artist….and also memorable…..I say this because to some, I will be taking shots at him….I commend the artist known as Cheerio simply for embracing his gimmick and doing what an artist is supposed to do…..market himself……I love it…that is a name I will never forget…..it definitely made me wanna step my game up…..maybe I should walk around with a box of crunch berries….
Been doing a lot of soul searching lately…..it seems that I may possibly be going through a mid life crisis…..I will try to contain myself and make this not a sob story….definitely don’t want you to think I need sympathy or anything…..I see myself fluctuating emotions constantly…..you know this is probably the worst time of the year for me…I’m not really a holiday person, plus with the deaths of my grandparents, I’m typically in a very somber mood…..and this year, is no different……..but I am trying…..trying very hard to continue to work through the pain……trying to stay as positive through all the adversity…..trying to grow into the destiny…….and I am starting to see that as I am able to be more positive by not keeping an idle mind……and I have change my emotional diet…..the people I hang around….the people that I choose to feed off of……sometimes we take for granted the importance of a smile and happiness…..everyone is not in your life for cultivation…….and as I grow older and obtain the wisdom that God has in store for me, I am learning that…….
It has taken me about 5 hours to write this and I bet it has gone all over the place with my ideas…..I typically don’t read these back as I let my thought be as they are and appreciate them for what they are…..I want to thank everyone that still looks forward to my readings….I would love it if you could go to www.spaceshipohayses.blogspot.com and just give me a few hits…..it may take a lot of energy for you to do this but numbers are what matters most in society…..also, I just found out I will be performing at Kwanzaa Fest this year!!.....this is a very exciting time for me and something that I have looked forward to doing for a while…maybe this is the breakthrough I need….I am planning on fasting soon, so if you don’t hear from me, know that I am okay and moving into something bigger than even myself…….
I love yall…I really do…..I wished I wrote more like I used to, but life of course has its twist and turns that can not be controlled at times…..
Pray for my homie Veronica yall……she had surgery today and even if you may not know her, you may know someone that needs the prayers she needs right now….and the more prayer, the bigger the blessing…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
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