November 27, 2010
To whom it may concern:
Yeah, you knew I was going to right this…..even if you say you not going to read it, I know you will……you can’t help it…..you love drama….you love the animosity…..you love the attention….and since you do, I am going to give it to you…..this may be the hardest letter I ever had to write……and also the one I wanted to write the most….but I need to get this out….if you ever read any of my blogs, you know how much I have struggled with my inner self…..trying to find the balance between good and evil….trying to understand the answers to all the questions I have in my soul……I want to be a better man…….the funny thing is, you don’t know me……you can say you do, but you really have no clue who I am…..and you have truly never tried…..you like living on rumors and assumptions……you’re the epitome of a mirror……you only look at the world as if it revolves around you……so since you want everything to be about you, here goes…….
You are a self-centered and shallow individual……disrespectful, disobedient, distasteful, and disgusting human being…..you are the exact opposite of what God wants us to be……to some people in your life you have a title…..parent, sibling, child, cousin, and spouse…but besides that, they would wish you out of their lives…..you don’t know how much it sickens me to say this…because I love you….I do give you a title and it is by force; not by choice….I have attempted, because of this, to give you the benefit of the doubt….it’s simply not working…..in the eyes of someone outside that bubble of ties, you are a horrible role model……..I think it’s telling that you keep few friends and even fewer relatives in your circle……you have high turnover ratio for a reason……as hard as I try to say this is wrong to be doing, I recognize that you don’t stopped your pit party to listen to anyone else……so this must be done……..
Maybe I am being partial, but I have never seen a worse parent……its hard for me to act grateful for something I had no control over…..sure, abortion is prevalent, but will you forever remind your kids of this fact?.......I sit back and wonder how a person can live with their parent, take care of their parent, and have to listen to their constant nagging and complaining…..and lets be real…its not like you did a lot for your kids when they were growing up……remember you missed your son’s graduation getting dressed?........I didn’t see you at any of your daughter’s functions……any birthday parties?....how about cards?........just for the record, what did you do?......and its not like your kids don’t love you….they just tired of feeling indebted to you…….
You parents died and somehow you made the funeral about you……made me laugh hearing the young folks betting on how long it would take you to cry….truth be told, most your drama probably drove them to a quicker death…..they were healthier when you wasn’t around……and always talking about how bad they did you…are you freaking kidding me??!!!.....they couldn’t do you anyway, your sheisty ass getting them to sign papers they have no clue what they are signing……bills in everybody name…….even had the gall to say your father wasn’t your father AFTER he dead……. Please, let them rest in peace…..you know how we get quiet when you talk?....its not out of respect……everyone know you lying…….its like you are ashamed of yourself…..but in the process, you push everyone away………
The sad part is you don’t see that….you so busy playing the victim that you don’t realize you have a family that loves you……we don’t want you not to be a part of our lives……we just don’t wanna be blamed for your transgressions…..we are all grown and respect is given when respect is earned……be honest with us……act like you are human and you make mistakes……stop with the pride and haughtiness….I prayed God was showing you something during your last tribulation….and maybe he has….but the display you put on today was the final straw for me……funny thing about it, I’m not mad at ya; more hurt than anything……
Some things you just don’t say………there is a fine line for anyone and I don’t believe that once you say certain things, you can go back……because if I had any respect to mankind, I would not say those things…..I am not unmindful that many people will be reading this so I intentionally kept gender, names , and any other reference out of this letter……there are a lot more things we could discuss in this as well and you know it…..you have been a horrible person in my life and I promise I tried….regardless of what you think…..my reason for this is because I honestly don’t believe you have ever allowed someone to tell you about yourself…and that is something we all need…….back to my thought…….you said some things today that you will never be able to take back….and you didn’t say some things that I will always remember……and you cut me deep…..now my soul is fucked up……
I promise I want to hate you right now……when I first read your letter, I wanted to say some things….and I almost put them in here…..ugh!!!........anyway…….you said goodbye forever…and I know even life in prison is only 20 years……or it was….so I do expect you to come back in my life sooner rather than later…..but I will let you have your moment….I will allow you to do the things you said and never speak to me again…..too bad you can’t control that…..
So I guess I can say, I’m kinda thankful today you are out of my life…..you were a drug…..and now I can flush my system and move on….you are actually helping my process in becoming a better person….I don’t feel bad…and I don’t have any regrets…I tried very hard to love you……it sucks you just don’t see it…..
Until We Meet Again,
Spaceship Ohayses
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
SHOOTING CRAPS WITH MONOPOLY DICE
Well look at here…..good afternoon to all my favorite Martians….I hope that you all are well and having an enjoyable week so far…..this is Wise Words of Spaceship and I am your conductor for the evening……lot of things to talk about…..not a lot of time to talk about them…..I will do my best to compete this journey in a timely and efficient matter…sit back…drink all you want now, because if you laugh and spit something on a co-worker, do not blame me!!......and enjoy another edition of Wise Words of Spaceship……
Before I continue, I must embark on something……its hard censoring myself……and being an entertainer, I am learning that there are some things I can and cant say….there are a lot of people that I am now finding out are upset with me over things I may have put in my blog or used as a title……to them, I say with all my heart….YO BAD!!!......I don’t take shots at anyone…sometimes, I may over think things or used things to create something else, but damn!!....stop being so sensitive….and its funny because I rarely use names…….but it still ends up hitting nerves of people……at the end of the day, these same people have tried to defame my name or make me look like the bad guy to people that don’t understand the story…..my grandmother told me time heals all wounds….and now, my wound is healed and I am looking forward to working harder to be the best entertainer I could possibly be…….
I want to talk about Cheerio……lol…..now, on Saturday, Derek Daider had a show in San Antonio in which he gave me the privilege to accompany him….a few more people went with us as well…..as we are sitting in the club, this guy comes by and puts a box of Honey Nut Cheerios by our table…..not going to go into all the details of the night, but needless to say, I remember him…….WE ALL remember him……and whether he was a great performer or he sucked, we have taken his name and presence and brought it to Dallas……it was the absolute funniest thing I have seen from an artist….and also memorable…..I say this because to some, I will be taking shots at him….I commend the artist known as Cheerio simply for embracing his gimmick and doing what an artist is supposed to do…..market himself……I love it…that is a name I will never forget…..it definitely made me wanna step my game up…..maybe I should walk around with a box of crunch berries….
Been doing a lot of soul searching lately…..it seems that I may possibly be going through a mid life crisis…..I will try to contain myself and make this not a sob story….definitely don’t want you to think I need sympathy or anything…..I see myself fluctuating emotions constantly…..you know this is probably the worst time of the year for me…I’m not really a holiday person, plus with the deaths of my grandparents, I’m typically in a very somber mood…..and this year, is no different……..but I am trying…..trying very hard to continue to work through the pain……trying to stay as positive through all the adversity…..trying to grow into the destiny…….and I am starting to see that as I am able to be more positive by not keeping an idle mind……and I have change my emotional diet…..the people I hang around….the people that I choose to feed off of……sometimes we take for granted the importance of a smile and happiness…..everyone is not in your life for cultivation…….and as I grow older and obtain the wisdom that God has in store for me, I am learning that…….
It has taken me about 5 hours to write this and I bet it has gone all over the place with my ideas…..I typically don’t read these back as I let my thought be as they are and appreciate them for what they are…..I want to thank everyone that still looks forward to my readings….I would love it if you could go to www.spaceshipohayses.blogspot.com and just give me a few hits…..it may take a lot of energy for you to do this but numbers are what matters most in society…..also, I just found out I will be performing at Kwanzaa Fest this year!!.....this is a very exciting time for me and something that I have looked forward to doing for a while…maybe this is the breakthrough I need….I am planning on fasting soon, so if you don’t hear from me, know that I am okay and moving into something bigger than even myself…….
I love yall…I really do…..I wished I wrote more like I used to, but life of course has its twist and turns that can not be controlled at times…..
Pray for my homie Veronica yall……she had surgery today and even if you may not know her, you may know someone that needs the prayers she needs right now….and the more prayer, the bigger the blessing…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Before I continue, I must embark on something……its hard censoring myself……and being an entertainer, I am learning that there are some things I can and cant say….there are a lot of people that I am now finding out are upset with me over things I may have put in my blog or used as a title……to them, I say with all my heart….YO BAD!!!......I don’t take shots at anyone…sometimes, I may over think things or used things to create something else, but damn!!....stop being so sensitive….and its funny because I rarely use names…….but it still ends up hitting nerves of people……at the end of the day, these same people have tried to defame my name or make me look like the bad guy to people that don’t understand the story…..my grandmother told me time heals all wounds….and now, my wound is healed and I am looking forward to working harder to be the best entertainer I could possibly be…….
I want to talk about Cheerio……lol…..now, on Saturday, Derek Daider had a show in San Antonio in which he gave me the privilege to accompany him….a few more people went with us as well…..as we are sitting in the club, this guy comes by and puts a box of Honey Nut Cheerios by our table…..not going to go into all the details of the night, but needless to say, I remember him…….WE ALL remember him……and whether he was a great performer or he sucked, we have taken his name and presence and brought it to Dallas……it was the absolute funniest thing I have seen from an artist….and also memorable…..I say this because to some, I will be taking shots at him….I commend the artist known as Cheerio simply for embracing his gimmick and doing what an artist is supposed to do…..market himself……I love it…that is a name I will never forget…..it definitely made me wanna step my game up…..maybe I should walk around with a box of crunch berries….
Been doing a lot of soul searching lately…..it seems that I may possibly be going through a mid life crisis…..I will try to contain myself and make this not a sob story….definitely don’t want you to think I need sympathy or anything…..I see myself fluctuating emotions constantly…..you know this is probably the worst time of the year for me…I’m not really a holiday person, plus with the deaths of my grandparents, I’m typically in a very somber mood…..and this year, is no different……..but I am trying…..trying very hard to continue to work through the pain……trying to stay as positive through all the adversity…..trying to grow into the destiny…….and I am starting to see that as I am able to be more positive by not keeping an idle mind……and I have change my emotional diet…..the people I hang around….the people that I choose to feed off of……sometimes we take for granted the importance of a smile and happiness…..everyone is not in your life for cultivation…….and as I grow older and obtain the wisdom that God has in store for me, I am learning that…….
It has taken me about 5 hours to write this and I bet it has gone all over the place with my ideas…..I typically don’t read these back as I let my thought be as they are and appreciate them for what they are…..I want to thank everyone that still looks forward to my readings….I would love it if you could go to www.spaceshipohayses.blogspot.com and just give me a few hits…..it may take a lot of energy for you to do this but numbers are what matters most in society…..also, I just found out I will be performing at Kwanzaa Fest this year!!.....this is a very exciting time for me and something that I have looked forward to doing for a while…maybe this is the breakthrough I need….I am planning on fasting soon, so if you don’t hear from me, know that I am okay and moving into something bigger than even myself…….
I love yall…I really do…..I wished I wrote more like I used to, but life of course has its twist and turns that can not be controlled at times…..
Pray for my homie Veronica yall……she had surgery today and even if you may not know her, you may know someone that needs the prayers she needs right now….and the more prayer, the bigger the blessing…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
MARY POPPINS AINT GOT NUTHING ON ME!!
Good afternoon friends!!...yes I did decide to write today….was actually meaning to write you guys yesterday, but I had a blow out yesterday afternoon and it threw my whole day off……I hope I come to you all in great spirits……its getting close to the holidays, so its about time for the seasons of family and celebration…..a lot of things been going my way lately, and with this past weekend officially over, its time I continue to make positive changes and walk into my destiny……..
As many of you know, Friday marked the three year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing……Saturday, would have been my grandmother’s 74th birthday…….yeah, I know right?......last year on her birthday, she suffered a heart attack and eventually never left the hospital…..needless to say, this was a tough weekend for me……I was a little hurt as well…..I want to thank each and everyone of you that reached out to make sure I was okay…..it really felt good to know you cared…..
But there was some that either didn’t know, didn’t remember, or didn’t call…..and a few of them….whether friends, allies, co workers, or even family members…I really wanted in my loop……and the pain that struck either thinking about it, or conversing with them was weird…should I be upset?.......am I just being selfish?........why do I expect them to care?.......I could not and can not answer these questions…..its an awkward situation to be in…I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to see who cared?......I was talking to someone the other day and the topic was about caring what people think about us……isn’t that just human nature?...we can say we don’t care, but what if no one recognized our existence?.....acknowledge us for being good in their eyes?......cared if we lived or died?.....I personally think it would have an effect on our psyche…….so I was torn…..and that just multiplied to the emotions I was already having…….
AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT……..Saturday also marked the one year anniversary of the release of No Preservatives…..yes, my album release party was on my grandmother’s birthday last year…it was supposed to be my tribute to them…..and it was…but at the end of the night, I received the news about my granny……I tried very hard to think about one of the greatest nights of my life….it was awesome to all of you that came out to show support……the next album is coming…...I promise….
And this was just this past weekend!!.........and don’t forget the blow out yesterday!!....it would be so easy for me to get down on things…..the greatest of God is that he is providing me with a peace I don’t think I have had before…..something new for me, but its working…..
I was talking to someone today and they pretty much broke down crying about all that they are going through…..now, even with everything I am going through….and it is so much easier to tell folks things than it is to believe it yourself……I still had to lend an ear…to give them words of encouragement and to be of some type of comfort….in the back of mind, I realize that I am not the only one going through things….and even with the things I am going through, somebody may be doing worse………and then they hit me with the “when it rains it pours” phrase……I returned the phrase, adding “that’s why you need an umbrella”…..and that my friends, is the key…….
A lot of times we try to walk through this storm of ours without protective wear….our clothes get wet, and we refuse to change them, thinking that if we let them dry on their own, we will be the same……forgetting about the stench, and weight damp water can leave on garments……are you lost?...okay, let me say it like this…….sometimes, when we are going through, we decide to try to do it ourselves instead of putting on the armor of God…….even if we do fall short, instead of rethinking and altering our plan, we continue to let it weigh us down, wondering why its still happening to us……wondering why our circumstance has not changed……….
Now, don’t think I am sitting here like I know everything….I stress, I get frustrated, I cry, I wonder why me, and all of these things……but I am in the process of putting myself through mental boot camp….I used to be nonchalant about life’s difficulties…..then when they continued to pile on and they overwhelmed me, I didn’t know where to turn to…and honestly my friends, I contemplated suicide…..many times……..
But I am getting with the program now……and thinking negatively is an addiction…..so one day at a time, I have to change my thinking….some days, I have to force myself to think about good things……I have to make myself get out that bed and do something that’s going to make me laugh and smile…..it was easy for me to get messages or phone calls Saturday and when someone asked me how I was doing, I instantly sad something negative….or to just be in my mood……..and at that moment, I may have had to coach myself out of that state…….and with the great friends I have, you guys helped me tremendously……..it was difficult to stay sad talking to half of you idiots!!!..........
So yeah, when it rains, it does pour…don’t mean you have to get wet……get you an umbrella!!.........
I’m learning to continue thinking and saying positive things……if we can think negatively and stuff continues to happen, why can’t it happen the other way around??.....I’m just saying…….
Well, I’m gone…just had to get that off my chest….got a show tonight at Club Mystique in Ft Worth and Thursday at the Skillman Street Pub……I hope I can see a few of you there to support me…….the mojo is coming back…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
As many of you know, Friday marked the three year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing……Saturday, would have been my grandmother’s 74th birthday…….yeah, I know right?......last year on her birthday, she suffered a heart attack and eventually never left the hospital…..needless to say, this was a tough weekend for me……I was a little hurt as well…..I want to thank each and everyone of you that reached out to make sure I was okay…..it really felt good to know you cared…..
But there was some that either didn’t know, didn’t remember, or didn’t call…..and a few of them….whether friends, allies, co workers, or even family members…I really wanted in my loop……and the pain that struck either thinking about it, or conversing with them was weird…should I be upset?.......am I just being selfish?........why do I expect them to care?.......I could not and can not answer these questions…..its an awkward situation to be in…I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to see who cared?......I was talking to someone the other day and the topic was about caring what people think about us……isn’t that just human nature?...we can say we don’t care, but what if no one recognized our existence?.....acknowledge us for being good in their eyes?......cared if we lived or died?.....I personally think it would have an effect on our psyche…….so I was torn…..and that just multiplied to the emotions I was already having…….
AND ON TOP OF ALL THAT……..Saturday also marked the one year anniversary of the release of No Preservatives…..yes, my album release party was on my grandmother’s birthday last year…it was supposed to be my tribute to them…..and it was…but at the end of the night, I received the news about my granny……I tried very hard to think about one of the greatest nights of my life….it was awesome to all of you that came out to show support……the next album is coming…...I promise….
And this was just this past weekend!!.........and don’t forget the blow out yesterday!!....it would be so easy for me to get down on things…..the greatest of God is that he is providing me with a peace I don’t think I have had before…..something new for me, but its working…..
I was talking to someone today and they pretty much broke down crying about all that they are going through…..now, even with everything I am going through….and it is so much easier to tell folks things than it is to believe it yourself……I still had to lend an ear…to give them words of encouragement and to be of some type of comfort….in the back of mind, I realize that I am not the only one going through things….and even with the things I am going through, somebody may be doing worse………and then they hit me with the “when it rains it pours” phrase……I returned the phrase, adding “that’s why you need an umbrella”…..and that my friends, is the key…….
A lot of times we try to walk through this storm of ours without protective wear….our clothes get wet, and we refuse to change them, thinking that if we let them dry on their own, we will be the same……forgetting about the stench, and weight damp water can leave on garments……are you lost?...okay, let me say it like this…….sometimes, when we are going through, we decide to try to do it ourselves instead of putting on the armor of God…….even if we do fall short, instead of rethinking and altering our plan, we continue to let it weigh us down, wondering why its still happening to us……wondering why our circumstance has not changed……….
Now, don’t think I am sitting here like I know everything….I stress, I get frustrated, I cry, I wonder why me, and all of these things……but I am in the process of putting myself through mental boot camp….I used to be nonchalant about life’s difficulties…..then when they continued to pile on and they overwhelmed me, I didn’t know where to turn to…and honestly my friends, I contemplated suicide…..many times……..
But I am getting with the program now……and thinking negatively is an addiction…..so one day at a time, I have to change my thinking….some days, I have to force myself to think about good things……I have to make myself get out that bed and do something that’s going to make me laugh and smile…..it was easy for me to get messages or phone calls Saturday and when someone asked me how I was doing, I instantly sad something negative….or to just be in my mood……..and at that moment, I may have had to coach myself out of that state…….and with the great friends I have, you guys helped me tremendously……..it was difficult to stay sad talking to half of you idiots!!!..........
So yeah, when it rains, it does pour…don’t mean you have to get wet……get you an umbrella!!.........
I’m learning to continue thinking and saying positive things……if we can think negatively and stuff continues to happen, why can’t it happen the other way around??.....I’m just saying…….
Well, I’m gone…just had to get that off my chest….got a show tonight at Club Mystique in Ft Worth and Thursday at the Skillman Street Pub……I hope I can see a few of you there to support me…….the mojo is coming back…….
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
ON THE ROAD AGAIN!!
Good afternoon great people!!.....yeah, I am here…..at work too…….hope you all are doing well….weather is changing, time to find that cuddle partner and it’s Friday!!.......I’m feeling pretty good myself…..just realized how bored I am at work today so I decided to check up on yall……..
Life is getting better for me…..you know, had some crazy things happen, but through the greatness of God, I am finding strength…..and its not getting to me like before…..its amazing how you learn about people after your relationship is over…..and I’m not just talking about girlfriend, boyfriend relationship…..over this hiatus I have taken from doing any entertainment, I have learned how much folks really don’t care about you……its all about them…..people that I have helped find shows, hosted for, performed for, worked with, and endured in business decisions with disappear when they find out you don’t have a purpose for them…..I guess that’s a lesson I should have already known…..I find it funny and sad how some people can act like they need you, but if you don’t do what they want you to, its so easy for them to dispose of you…..even in the sporadic thoughts that my blog has given over the past 2-3 months, I am still finding people taking my words out of context and being messy about them…..on one hand, at least they still have my name in their mouth…..but on the other, I’m human and its hard to fathom someone lying on you for the sole purpose of curing their own embarrassment…...and yes, if you feel like I am talking to you this time….I AM!!....
At the same time, I have found myself healing some scarred relationships that I may have damaged myself…..and with God guiding my words, I have been able to sever some hard feelings.....no, not in the sense that we are bff’s again…..but at least forgiving on both parts have taken place……and it’s a good feeling….once again, I am human and I do not like to be the source of someone’s ill will or frustration…..don’t even like being around if I know I put a damper on one’s spirit……its just me.....right, wrong, or indifferent, I want to make the world a better place…not be someone that folks don’t like to be around…..except at work, where I really don’t care!!!.........
Its almost been 2 years since my grandfather passed……October 22nd……1 year since my album release party….October 23rd……and one year from my grandmother’s birthday and her untimely heart attack…October 23rd as well….thinking about taking off work for a few days…..don’t think I would like to deal with it here at work….I am already cranky and not knowing if I will explode leads to believe that I don’t need to be at work on those days……its funny because as much as I think I about their passing’s, I still don’t know if I have dealt with it….but then again, how do I?......what is the appropriate way to deal with the passing of your parents…and yes, I do recognize them as my mother and father because of all they have done for me…..and the things they taught me along the way….I may not have paid attention to them then….but I have never forgot anything they said to me…..
Now, my mom may read this and if she does, I will probably get a phone call asking why I put something like that in my blog……I will tell u why…..its the truth….not going to go into too many details but I hope she doesn’t call or read this….my mind is not in a place to be tactful……
I had a show last night at the Skillman Street Pub and I must admit…it was one of my favorite shows I have performed at down here…..you might think “what’s the big deal?”…but for me it was a big deal….I left there and went to the Curtain Club to go chop it up with Fiend……he used to performed with No Limit back in the Day if you remember…no I didn’t go to see him perform……or to be a groupie… HE CALLED ME….and that in itself was a great feeling……but I was thinking….I don’t take a lot of pictures with celebrities…I mean, I am around them a lot….talk to them pretty frequently....and are even on first name basis……I wonder if I should photo drop some artist to prove I am in the loop…..like last night…I sat in VIP with him watching folk shaking hands and hugging him and just standing around him and I’m like ugh!!.......wasn’t that serious to me….but maybe…just maybe….I should think outside MY box….I mean, I fucks with Supa K and Keynote from the radio station and when I bring them up in conversation, I have seen chicks panties get wet!!...I’m like “they are so regular people!!”…..when has been a groupie ever been a good thing??
Been a very proud father lately….Jayla is in Pre-K and to see the growth…to hear the growth and to acknowledge that growth is a beautiful thing…..she is truly becoming a woman as much as she talks but I love every minute of it…..I remember her being born and now she is going to school……Stephanie has been getting on my butt about spending more time with her, not because I don’t….its now 3 women in their household….and no matter what you say or think, 3 women in a house is never good……too many attitudes….and I think she gets the needed discipline at my house…..I told someone the other day, I think that’s the only thing I like about being in my financial rut…….spending time with Jayla…I cant afford to buy her happiness…..we do things like watch movies, make puppets, go to the park, read, or we just sit there and I listen to her…..and the great thing is, she is appreciative……at that moment, I am all that matters to her….and in this world of childish grown folks, haters, groupies, whiners, complainers, pessimist, and naysayers, she gives me the motivation to continue to push on………
Well I am going to blow out of here…….pray for my sister Charita…she was in a car accident….don’t know the details yet, but prayers are always encouraged……
I really do miss you all……to the ones that I do talk to on a regular or even semi-regular, I thank you so much…..I am learning that we don’t realized the power we have in uplifting folks…..and to each and everyone of you, I thank you for continuing to uplift me……sometimes I do feel like I am letting people down……and sometimes you tell me to continue to have patience…so I endure……and none of you will be forgotten…..
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
Life is getting better for me…..you know, had some crazy things happen, but through the greatness of God, I am finding strength…..and its not getting to me like before…..its amazing how you learn about people after your relationship is over…..and I’m not just talking about girlfriend, boyfriend relationship…..over this hiatus I have taken from doing any entertainment, I have learned how much folks really don’t care about you……its all about them…..people that I have helped find shows, hosted for, performed for, worked with, and endured in business decisions with disappear when they find out you don’t have a purpose for them…..I guess that’s a lesson I should have already known…..I find it funny and sad how some people can act like they need you, but if you don’t do what they want you to, its so easy for them to dispose of you…..even in the sporadic thoughts that my blog has given over the past 2-3 months, I am still finding people taking my words out of context and being messy about them…..on one hand, at least they still have my name in their mouth…..but on the other, I’m human and its hard to fathom someone lying on you for the sole purpose of curing their own embarrassment…...and yes, if you feel like I am talking to you this time….I AM!!....
At the same time, I have found myself healing some scarred relationships that I may have damaged myself…..and with God guiding my words, I have been able to sever some hard feelings.....no, not in the sense that we are bff’s again…..but at least forgiving on both parts have taken place……and it’s a good feeling….once again, I am human and I do not like to be the source of someone’s ill will or frustration…..don’t even like being around if I know I put a damper on one’s spirit……its just me.....right, wrong, or indifferent, I want to make the world a better place…not be someone that folks don’t like to be around…..except at work, where I really don’t care!!!.........
Its almost been 2 years since my grandfather passed……October 22nd……1 year since my album release party….October 23rd……and one year from my grandmother’s birthday and her untimely heart attack…October 23rd as well….thinking about taking off work for a few days…..don’t think I would like to deal with it here at work….I am already cranky and not knowing if I will explode leads to believe that I don’t need to be at work on those days……its funny because as much as I think I about their passing’s, I still don’t know if I have dealt with it….but then again, how do I?......what is the appropriate way to deal with the passing of your parents…and yes, I do recognize them as my mother and father because of all they have done for me…..and the things they taught me along the way….I may not have paid attention to them then….but I have never forgot anything they said to me…..
Now, my mom may read this and if she does, I will probably get a phone call asking why I put something like that in my blog……I will tell u why…..its the truth….not going to go into too many details but I hope she doesn’t call or read this….my mind is not in a place to be tactful……
I had a show last night at the Skillman Street Pub and I must admit…it was one of my favorite shows I have performed at down here…..you might think “what’s the big deal?”…but for me it was a big deal….I left there and went to the Curtain Club to go chop it up with Fiend……he used to performed with No Limit back in the Day if you remember…no I didn’t go to see him perform……or to be a groupie… HE CALLED ME….and that in itself was a great feeling……but I was thinking….I don’t take a lot of pictures with celebrities…I mean, I am around them a lot….talk to them pretty frequently....and are even on first name basis……I wonder if I should photo drop some artist to prove I am in the loop…..like last night…I sat in VIP with him watching folk shaking hands and hugging him and just standing around him and I’m like ugh!!.......wasn’t that serious to me….but maybe…just maybe….I should think outside MY box….I mean, I fucks with Supa K and Keynote from the radio station and when I bring them up in conversation, I have seen chicks panties get wet!!...I’m like “they are so regular people!!”…..when has been a groupie ever been a good thing??
Been a very proud father lately….Jayla is in Pre-K and to see the growth…to hear the growth and to acknowledge that growth is a beautiful thing…..she is truly becoming a woman as much as she talks but I love every minute of it…..I remember her being born and now she is going to school……Stephanie has been getting on my butt about spending more time with her, not because I don’t….its now 3 women in their household….and no matter what you say or think, 3 women in a house is never good……too many attitudes….and I think she gets the needed discipline at my house…..I told someone the other day, I think that’s the only thing I like about being in my financial rut…….spending time with Jayla…I cant afford to buy her happiness…..we do things like watch movies, make puppets, go to the park, read, or we just sit there and I listen to her…..and the great thing is, she is appreciative……at that moment, I am all that matters to her….and in this world of childish grown folks, haters, groupies, whiners, complainers, pessimist, and naysayers, she gives me the motivation to continue to push on………
Well I am going to blow out of here…….pray for my sister Charita…she was in a car accident….don’t know the details yet, but prayers are always encouraged……
I really do miss you all……to the ones that I do talk to on a regular or even semi-regular, I thank you so much…..I am learning that we don’t realized the power we have in uplifting folks…..and to each and everyone of you, I thank you for continuing to uplift me……sometimes I do feel like I am letting people down……and sometimes you tell me to continue to have patience…so I endure……and none of you will be forgotten…..
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
I AM A REAL AMERICAN!!
Wow….I’m here…..don’t know where I came from…just decided to be here today…….few things to talk about….feel like just blabbing…..how are you all doing today?......I hope life has been treating you all well….me…I don’t even know..and I say that honestly……..some days are good….some days are woeful….and every day I learn something new…..I know I am very close to getting over this hump….just don’t know when…….when I am traveling, I look forward to the next big city be it 100 or 400 miles away……on this journey, I have see no landmarks until I reach it…….there are no major cities…..just a straight shot….in the dark…….and barely a headlight…….
My comprehension is not strong as in where this journey will take me…….I do pray every day that I become a better man out of it……sucks going to school and realizing you didn’t learn anything……I’m trying to be more honest with myself…..without hurting others in the process……..I say it’s tough…….it’s hard to be totally open while having so many flaws……so I truly thank each and every one of you that are still sticking by me…..for those I have lost, I do apologize and I hope reconciliation can take place…..as our journeys have crossed for a reason, we are sure to find a mutual ground as we cross with our separate burdens…….
I don’t plead for your sympathy….nor do I ask that you feel sorry for me…..as I know everything happens for a reason…..without causing any offense, I know that everyone can’t take the load I have been given….and as hard as the struggle may seem to me, good will eventually come out of it and I will be able to rest….but without work, there is no rest…..there is no time to sit idle while I see the destruction of an industry we all had a passion for…..and in that, I have failed…..
There is a vicious cycle that occurs when one gains some sort of achievement….it is called complacency…..it happens to the best of us….or…the worst of us…….I tried my hardest to stay in the streets, but due to the lack of my pulse, the Open Mic Night, I started dying…..I allowed my personal situation to conflict with my business situations…….mixing business with personal…….and I didn’t compensate for my love of this entertainment industry……so without that, I allow myself to stay in my conundrum……it’s coming up on a year since the album was released….how many completed songs have I made since then?...none…….in fact, my show opportunities have digressed, performing and hosting……why is that??............
I could blame it on the loss of Ja-Roq, going to jail twice, the loss of my grandmother, finances, relationships, or any other problem…but when it boils down to it; it’s me……now, I refuse to shoot you all a pity party, but seriously??..........I have to change my thinking……….and it’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do………
I miss socializing with you guys…..miss getting drunk, kicking it, talking about tea bagging and taking million of pictures……we were the glue to the streets….we kept Dallas hip hop going…….so I will make my pledge to do good bye you all….the ones that believes in me…….the ones that believed in me……..and the ones that will believe in me………….
Soooooooo..In other news…..what’s up with Bishop Long?........what is he doing messing with lil boys?......and wasn’t he or isn’t he one of the most anti-homosexual advocates in America??.......I’m just saying….what was he thinking??.......if for nothing else, YOU DON’T SEND EVIDENCE LIKE THAT!!...... you don’t like gay people but you sending homo erotic picture mail??......just for being a hypocrite, if the allegations are true, you should be vilified…….tsk, tsk……
Man, I almost punched my boss in the face today!!!.......it’s like he wants me to say something to get fired……but I’m not……I know what kind of person he is and on some many accords, he is right…….it’s just like he’s picking……I have to figure out a way to ignore him but not be rude about it…..I think that’s a big thing for me…saying things and not being rude about it……I don’t need to mean all the dog gone time…..
Happy birthday Mama C!!!!......if yall don’t know anything about me know that I love Mama C…she has been a God send in my life and definitely with the passing of my grandmother……she has been someone I can talk to and someone I can depend on to give me more wisdom….you don’t meet people like this every day and I know some people think our relationship is crazy……and you know what…it is…that's why it is so great!....happy birthday Mama C…Spaceship Ohayses loves you!!!.........
Before I go, I have to tell you about this cat at work……so I see him one day on break and he tells me he needs a place to stay…something happened and me being the person I am and knowing where I came from, I told him he could crash on my couch…..dude instantly started talking about being roommates…..ugh!!.......he texted me more than D’Lyte with promo information……it was a crazy situation….even after I informed him that I couldn’t do it..because in a conversation he got upset about me telling him he would have to leave when I left……..he still acted like he was moving in…..so one day I saw him and I started running the opposite way…….about five minutes later, I receive a text……it stated, “I was going to tell you that I found somewhere to stay, but you were running like you stole something.”……nah fool, I was running from you!!........
I’m gone..time to eat some spaghetti…….remember, I love each and every one of yall…rather you hate me or don’t even know me……
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
My comprehension is not strong as in where this journey will take me…….I do pray every day that I become a better man out of it……sucks going to school and realizing you didn’t learn anything……I’m trying to be more honest with myself…..without hurting others in the process……..I say it’s tough…….it’s hard to be totally open while having so many flaws……so I truly thank each and every one of you that are still sticking by me…..for those I have lost, I do apologize and I hope reconciliation can take place…..as our journeys have crossed for a reason, we are sure to find a mutual ground as we cross with our separate burdens…….
I don’t plead for your sympathy….nor do I ask that you feel sorry for me…..as I know everything happens for a reason…..without causing any offense, I know that everyone can’t take the load I have been given….and as hard as the struggle may seem to me, good will eventually come out of it and I will be able to rest….but without work, there is no rest…..there is no time to sit idle while I see the destruction of an industry we all had a passion for…..and in that, I have failed…..
There is a vicious cycle that occurs when one gains some sort of achievement….it is called complacency…..it happens to the best of us….or…the worst of us…….I tried my hardest to stay in the streets, but due to the lack of my pulse, the Open Mic Night, I started dying…..I allowed my personal situation to conflict with my business situations…….mixing business with personal…….and I didn’t compensate for my love of this entertainment industry……so without that, I allow myself to stay in my conundrum……it’s coming up on a year since the album was released….how many completed songs have I made since then?...none…….in fact, my show opportunities have digressed, performing and hosting……why is that??............
I could blame it on the loss of Ja-Roq, going to jail twice, the loss of my grandmother, finances, relationships, or any other problem…but when it boils down to it; it’s me……now, I refuse to shoot you all a pity party, but seriously??..........I have to change my thinking……….and it’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do………
I miss socializing with you guys…..miss getting drunk, kicking it, talking about tea bagging and taking million of pictures……we were the glue to the streets….we kept Dallas hip hop going…….so I will make my pledge to do good bye you all….the ones that believes in me…….the ones that believed in me……..and the ones that will believe in me………….
Soooooooo..In other news…..what’s up with Bishop Long?........what is he doing messing with lil boys?......and wasn’t he or isn’t he one of the most anti-homosexual advocates in America??.......I’m just saying….what was he thinking??.......if for nothing else, YOU DON’T SEND EVIDENCE LIKE THAT!!...... you don’t like gay people but you sending homo erotic picture mail??......just for being a hypocrite, if the allegations are true, you should be vilified…….tsk, tsk……
Man, I almost punched my boss in the face today!!!.......it’s like he wants me to say something to get fired……but I’m not……I know what kind of person he is and on some many accords, he is right…….it’s just like he’s picking……I have to figure out a way to ignore him but not be rude about it…..I think that’s a big thing for me…saying things and not being rude about it……I don’t need to mean all the dog gone time…..
Happy birthday Mama C!!!!......if yall don’t know anything about me know that I love Mama C…she has been a God send in my life and definitely with the passing of my grandmother……she has been someone I can talk to and someone I can depend on to give me more wisdom….you don’t meet people like this every day and I know some people think our relationship is crazy……and you know what…it is…that's why it is so great!....happy birthday Mama C…Spaceship Ohayses loves you!!!.........
Before I go, I have to tell you about this cat at work……so I see him one day on break and he tells me he needs a place to stay…something happened and me being the person I am and knowing where I came from, I told him he could crash on my couch…..dude instantly started talking about being roommates…..ugh!!.......he texted me more than D’Lyte with promo information……it was a crazy situation….even after I informed him that I couldn’t do it..because in a conversation he got upset about me telling him he would have to leave when I left……..he still acted like he was moving in…..so one day I saw him and I started running the opposite way…….about five minutes later, I receive a text……it stated, “I was going to tell you that I found somewhere to stay, but you were running like you stole something.”……nah fool, I was running from you!!........
I’m gone..time to eat some spaghetti…….remember, I love each and every one of yall…rather you hate me or don’t even know me……
Love yall!!!!
Church!!!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
CLASH OF THE TITANS
So it’s 12:27 in the morning……and I am supposed to be sleep…..kinda surprising I’m even at home but I really needed to catch some rest…..and here I am up…..but I think it’s for a reason…..so I’m sitting in my room, watching some comedy and relaxing my mind into greener pastures…..and I figure I should check up on you guys…..I really don’t know why I don’t blog as much……I’m on the computer as much at work…but I guess it’s that I just don’t want to be on one thing like I need to be…to keep my focus….I find that some of my writings are very spotty when I have to constantly stop and start back…..s/n…I think I am learning to type without looking at the keys all the time…and I can use both hands…….that’s major for me..I have always been a pecker!!.......so how have yall been?........I’m actually excited that you all will be waking up and reading this………maybe it can help start your day in the right manor…….
Well let me get yall up to date with me…….because tonight’s edition really isn’t about me….per se……it’s more about life..the same pattern that I have been writing from as of late…..crazy seeing the evolution of this thing……well, I just got out of jail…AGAIN…for the same crap I went for in March……so needless to say, the saga is continuing……not hosting any open mics as of right now……how do I feel about that?......not really sure….some days it’s cool…I actually like that I can go around and chop it up with folks…..if they allow, I perform…….I even get on the mic when the opportunity presents itself…..but I like not have the crybaby drama the open mics were becoming……..and I felt the bigger it got, the more I was cheating those that really made what we did great…….
Got some things brewing though…so be on the look out……don’t really wanna get into everything but I will…..now since I have written tonight, it may become easier for me to do this regularly…..I am thinking about opening up my kitchen on the weekend……what do you think?.....meatloaf or pork chop plate, 2 sides, rolls and pop for the $8?..........sounds good to me!!........may need some delivery people…….
Anyway, thanks to a good friend of mine…..who I just realized puts me on a lot of eye opening things…..I watched some documentaries on the rap version of the illuminati……very interesting stuff…….I am not sure the validity of all that I read but I do think there is something very probably about this hypothesis……Jay-Z has been very questionable to me for a minute and some strings were tied together….amazingly enough, most of the videos do depict Shawn Carter as the leader of this illuminati……
Now the point I’m hoping to make is about our kids……its weird thinking how our music has changed….I want to state that even as an artist, I do not want you to think I am hateful toward the brand of music there is in society…….I like some of it….key word: SOME…….I remember back in the day how music just made you feel good……and even when it didn’t, it didn’t necessarily want you to hit a person for stepping on your shoes…..it didn’t tell you what to wear…how to think……the rhythms and grooves of music from the older eras, gave you a feeling of happiness…..it gave you a sense of power over your life……
Now music is geared towards the artist wanting power of your life…rap music was not developed for warfare, in whatever facet..it was a voice of the people that lived the streets and maybe could sing well……it was an expression of the slums, the ghettos, the recognizable tone of the struggle…….if you wanted to battle, meet me on a box and beat me at breaking……..it was about getting somewhere….now, it’s all about being there……if you don’t have it, you are a nobody……..it’s not about the grind to achieve…its what we do when we achieve……..seriously….how many bitches did we hear in rap music……..besides west coast music…….how many drug lords were we?.........how many countries did we have estates in?.........now there wouldn’t be such a problem…..IF ARTIST LIKE MYSELF ARE NOT SUCH BIG ROLE MODELS!!........and yes, I know some of my music is not for all kids……I’m saying…we have to have a balance as adults..sorry, it may not sound fair but it’s the truth……you can make a radio edit but the hook still says “live fast and die young?”…..wtf??........our future is in a no win situation………
With society so microwavable, our youth are not learning how to accomplish these dreams…all they are learning is what to have to be considered “something” in this world……so they have to get it…by hook or by crook…and by hook, I’m meaning music…….it’s not the art of hip hop anymore…..it’s the vicious cycle of “well, if they gonna give me a deal, I’ma take it”……..and who do we blame?.....the artist wants the money…the record label wants the power……and the record company wants the respect………we are so confused as to who to lay blame that eventually, we resign out feelings………
So we go on…..listening to the same music…letting out 3 year olds drop it low…….meaning the lyrics when “ I Hate You Bitch” or “I’m Wasted” comes on in the club…waiting on the bootleg man to come to the hair and nail shops on the weekend to get that new Lil Wayne…….I can dig it..I love it to……..
But what are we taking time to teach the ones that only know this way of life?....they don’t have role models except the ones on 106 and Park…we too busy watching reality shows with our kids missing a chance to explain what’s really going on to laugh at the white girl..……and why are we steady assuming they should know better…….
Or am I the one tripping??
Okay…..okay..I’m sleepy….just wanted to rant……ima let yall go..have a great Friday!!!
Love yall!!!!!
Church!!!
Well let me get yall up to date with me…….because tonight’s edition really isn’t about me….per se……it’s more about life..the same pattern that I have been writing from as of late…..crazy seeing the evolution of this thing……well, I just got out of jail…AGAIN…for the same crap I went for in March……so needless to say, the saga is continuing……not hosting any open mics as of right now……how do I feel about that?......not really sure….some days it’s cool…I actually like that I can go around and chop it up with folks…..if they allow, I perform…….I even get on the mic when the opportunity presents itself…..but I like not have the crybaby drama the open mics were becoming……..and I felt the bigger it got, the more I was cheating those that really made what we did great…….
Got some things brewing though…so be on the look out……don’t really wanna get into everything but I will…..now since I have written tonight, it may become easier for me to do this regularly…..I am thinking about opening up my kitchen on the weekend……what do you think?.....meatloaf or pork chop plate, 2 sides, rolls and pop for the $8?..........sounds good to me!!........may need some delivery people…….
Anyway, thanks to a good friend of mine…..who I just realized puts me on a lot of eye opening things…..I watched some documentaries on the rap version of the illuminati……very interesting stuff…….I am not sure the validity of all that I read but I do think there is something very probably about this hypothesis……Jay-Z has been very questionable to me for a minute and some strings were tied together….amazingly enough, most of the videos do depict Shawn Carter as the leader of this illuminati……
Now the point I’m hoping to make is about our kids……its weird thinking how our music has changed….I want to state that even as an artist, I do not want you to think I am hateful toward the brand of music there is in society…….I like some of it….key word: SOME…….I remember back in the day how music just made you feel good……and even when it didn’t, it didn’t necessarily want you to hit a person for stepping on your shoes…..it didn’t tell you what to wear…how to think……the rhythms and grooves of music from the older eras, gave you a feeling of happiness…..it gave you a sense of power over your life……
Now music is geared towards the artist wanting power of your life…rap music was not developed for warfare, in whatever facet..it was a voice of the people that lived the streets and maybe could sing well……it was an expression of the slums, the ghettos, the recognizable tone of the struggle…….if you wanted to battle, meet me on a box and beat me at breaking……..it was about getting somewhere….now, it’s all about being there……if you don’t have it, you are a nobody……..it’s not about the grind to achieve…its what we do when we achieve……..seriously….how many bitches did we hear in rap music……..besides west coast music…….how many drug lords were we?.........how many countries did we have estates in?.........now there wouldn’t be such a problem…..IF ARTIST LIKE MYSELF ARE NOT SUCH BIG ROLE MODELS!!........and yes, I know some of my music is not for all kids……I’m saying…we have to have a balance as adults..sorry, it may not sound fair but it’s the truth……you can make a radio edit but the hook still says “live fast and die young?”…..wtf??........our future is in a no win situation………
With society so microwavable, our youth are not learning how to accomplish these dreams…all they are learning is what to have to be considered “something” in this world……so they have to get it…by hook or by crook…and by hook, I’m meaning music…….it’s not the art of hip hop anymore…..it’s the vicious cycle of “well, if they gonna give me a deal, I’ma take it”……..and who do we blame?.....the artist wants the money…the record label wants the power……and the record company wants the respect………we are so confused as to who to lay blame that eventually, we resign out feelings………
So we go on…..listening to the same music…letting out 3 year olds drop it low…….meaning the lyrics when “ I Hate You Bitch” or “I’m Wasted” comes on in the club…waiting on the bootleg man to come to the hair and nail shops on the weekend to get that new Lil Wayne…….I can dig it..I love it to……..
But what are we taking time to teach the ones that only know this way of life?....they don’t have role models except the ones on 106 and Park…we too busy watching reality shows with our kids missing a chance to explain what’s really going on to laugh at the white girl..……and why are we steady assuming they should know better…….
Or am I the one tripping??
Okay…..okay..I’m sleepy….just wanted to rant……ima let yall go..have a great Friday!!!
Love yall!!!!!
Church!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
CALLED A PSYCHIC HOTLIINE AND FORGOT WHAT I WANTED!!!
1. I’m alive and breathing.
2. My daughter is alive and breathing.
3. I have a roof over my head.
4. I have clothes.
5. I know God.
6. I have a job.
7. I have a goal/destiny/plan.
8. I love my family.
9. I have my health and my strength.
10. I have the world’s greatest friends.
11. I’m not in jail.
12. I have food.
13. My daughter looks to me as a role model.
14. My daughter’s mom is great.
15. I have an album online for purchase.
16. I host some of the biggest clubs in the DFW Metroplex.
17. I have graduated from college.
18. I have been a school teacher.
19. God provides for me when I doubt myself.
20. I am able to write this blog.
Its amazing that I can write about 20 things that I thank God for but yet spend many a nights wondering why I feel like my life is spiraling out of control……..good afternoon ladies and gentlemen……I hope I come to you in great strength……..miss writing you all and I actually have been trying to get this post out……been actually….gasp!...working at work…yes, I know its getting cold in hell……..give a brother credit for trying once in a while……..lots has been going on……sometimes little has been going on…….in the meantime, I have still been Spaceship Ohayses, the Incredible……
I truly have been wanting to blog about this for a while now…….last week, I had a great epiphany about my life and even though towards this past weekend I got very week, I think I am putting things into a better perspective…….I had someone very close to me give me the notion that they wanted to kill themselves recently and everything and every reason I gave them for not giving up, I had to swallow as well…….over the past two years, I have been through more storms than I could ever remember and I don’t know why…..been told I’m not the same guy from high school, college, or even after my marriage……and I agreed with them……because I know I am not…..I have shown major flashes or mental defeat…it got so bad that even when things were looking up, I still made a mountain out of a mole hill……..and it wasn’t even on purpose…..I had conditioned myself to believing all was bad……so I had to write it down and make it plain……most of these things that I am thankful for are tangibles…..everyday items……these don’t even include the blessings that occur everyday…..doors opening…..great shows…..Jayla learning an new word or how to write or something like that……and now I truly am in the process of reprogramming my mind…yes, I have become damaged……..
I don’t think the same…..I am very pessimistic about a lot of things…..even though I claim to be a child of Christ…….is it fear?...and if so, of what?.......is it pain?.......there are many different reasons to why I have changed my disposition so drastically……and right now, I have to ask myself if I want to figure out why……or just try to flush them out of my memory and become brand new……its tough feeling like this……I have always been a blunt and somewhat mean person, but I don’t want to end up being the person that pushes everyone away……..I don’t want to be the guy that cant find love because he doesn’t love himself…….I refuse not to live my dream of having a loving family…….but it starts with me……and I recognize that……the reality of it all…..through words and breakthroughs…..is that everybody in your life is not good for you….no matter how much you may love them, hate them, care for them, or admire them…….I was told I have a short fuse…..I realize my tolerance for bullcrap is low……and in that lies a problem…..sometimes in my haste to judge a person, if I hear something that resembles a past hurt, I instantly tune it out…….I walk away……without giving it a chance…….and that can cost me…because no two people are alike……and no two scenarios have the same outcome…….so I must distance myself from the feelings that cause me to close up….I strive to be greater tomorrow……..
Okay….I think I am done venting……have I written yall since Jayla started school??.....its an amazing feeling…..now, I know I am her dad, but once I went to meet the teacher, I really had that parent feel in my soul…….and so far, she loves it….I am hearing her speech increase…..manners getting better…..and I always thought she would be a wiz…JUST LIKE HER DADDY!!......so I am too in the process of going back to school……..
And not for a degree…..well, at least for my certification….some of you may know that I used to teach high school English before I started this new venture….and I used my music as my reason for quitting….well, financially and emotionally, its not working…..so I’m going to go back and do it right…so I can get a good job in my field and work hard at being a great teacher….with the continued experience, I should have more avenues open for my youth center…….and that is a bigger priority of mine……
Make sure you follow me: www.twitter.com/spaceshipo you know I love to hear from the masses…..
Well I guess its check out time…..got a meeting to go to………
Love yall!!!
Church!!!
2. My daughter is alive and breathing.
3. I have a roof over my head.
4. I have clothes.
5. I know God.
6. I have a job.
7. I have a goal/destiny/plan.
8. I love my family.
9. I have my health and my strength.
10. I have the world’s greatest friends.
11. I’m not in jail.
12. I have food.
13. My daughter looks to me as a role model.
14. My daughter’s mom is great.
15. I have an album online for purchase.
16. I host some of the biggest clubs in the DFW Metroplex.
17. I have graduated from college.
18. I have been a school teacher.
19. God provides for me when I doubt myself.
20. I am able to write this blog.
Its amazing that I can write about 20 things that I thank God for but yet spend many a nights wondering why I feel like my life is spiraling out of control……..good afternoon ladies and gentlemen……I hope I come to you in great strength……..miss writing you all and I actually have been trying to get this post out……been actually….gasp!...working at work…yes, I know its getting cold in hell……..give a brother credit for trying once in a while……..lots has been going on……sometimes little has been going on…….in the meantime, I have still been Spaceship Ohayses, the Incredible……
I truly have been wanting to blog about this for a while now…….last week, I had a great epiphany about my life and even though towards this past weekend I got very week, I think I am putting things into a better perspective…….I had someone very close to me give me the notion that they wanted to kill themselves recently and everything and every reason I gave them for not giving up, I had to swallow as well…….over the past two years, I have been through more storms than I could ever remember and I don’t know why…..been told I’m not the same guy from high school, college, or even after my marriage……and I agreed with them……because I know I am not…..I have shown major flashes or mental defeat…it got so bad that even when things were looking up, I still made a mountain out of a mole hill……..and it wasn’t even on purpose…..I had conditioned myself to believing all was bad……so I had to write it down and make it plain……most of these things that I am thankful for are tangibles…..everyday items……these don’t even include the blessings that occur everyday…..doors opening…..great shows…..Jayla learning an new word or how to write or something like that……and now I truly am in the process of reprogramming my mind…yes, I have become damaged……..
I don’t think the same…..I am very pessimistic about a lot of things…..even though I claim to be a child of Christ…….is it fear?...and if so, of what?.......is it pain?.......there are many different reasons to why I have changed my disposition so drastically……and right now, I have to ask myself if I want to figure out why……or just try to flush them out of my memory and become brand new……its tough feeling like this……I have always been a blunt and somewhat mean person, but I don’t want to end up being the person that pushes everyone away……..I don’t want to be the guy that cant find love because he doesn’t love himself…….I refuse not to live my dream of having a loving family…….but it starts with me……and I recognize that……the reality of it all…..through words and breakthroughs…..is that everybody in your life is not good for you….no matter how much you may love them, hate them, care for them, or admire them…….I was told I have a short fuse…..I realize my tolerance for bullcrap is low……and in that lies a problem…..sometimes in my haste to judge a person, if I hear something that resembles a past hurt, I instantly tune it out…….I walk away……without giving it a chance…….and that can cost me…because no two people are alike……and no two scenarios have the same outcome…….so I must distance myself from the feelings that cause me to close up….I strive to be greater tomorrow……..
Okay….I think I am done venting……have I written yall since Jayla started school??.....its an amazing feeling…..now, I know I am her dad, but once I went to meet the teacher, I really had that parent feel in my soul…….and so far, she loves it….I am hearing her speech increase…..manners getting better…..and I always thought she would be a wiz…JUST LIKE HER DADDY!!......so I am too in the process of going back to school……..
And not for a degree…..well, at least for my certification….some of you may know that I used to teach high school English before I started this new venture….and I used my music as my reason for quitting….well, financially and emotionally, its not working…..so I’m going to go back and do it right…so I can get a good job in my field and work hard at being a great teacher….with the continued experience, I should have more avenues open for my youth center…….and that is a bigger priority of mine……
Make sure you follow me: www.twitter.com/spaceshipo you know I love to hear from the masses…..
Well I guess its check out time…..got a meeting to go to………
Love yall!!!
Church!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
